“You all just talked about how much you can’t stand each other!” Nathan’s voice has reached a pitch I’m very familiar with myself, because that’s the pitch I always hit when I’m trying to convince Ma and the aunts to do something they don’t want to do.
“Yes, but they still family,” Big Aunt says sternly.
“We might all be in danger,” I point out.
“Tch.” Second Aunt flaps her hand at me dismissively. “You just being drama queen again, Meddy. Of course we not in danger. Got Abi to protect us.” She simpers, and I decide I don’t like Second Aunt in love.
“He seemed really scared of Julia Child.” I have to admit that I take a bit of pleasure in reminding her of this.
Second Aunt glowers at me. “He not afraid. He just being diplomatic. Nathan, you know all about that, you are also businessman.” Her laser gaze drills into Nathan, who stares back with naked panic.
“Uh. To be fair...” Nathan swallows and proceeds with the care that one takes approaching a live bomb. “He did seem slightly more nervous than one would expect. Perhaps there might be more danger than we’re all privy to?”
Ma shakes her head. “You kids are too Westernized. You just not used to how Asian business go. We always have to show respect. But you think showing respect is being scared.”
I think back to the expression on Abi’s face. It was very definitely fearful, and not just fear of losing a good business deal but a primal sort of fear of the possibility of losing one’s life. “Look, I know what I saw on Abi’s face, and I’m telling you, we’re playing with fire.”
“Who play with fire?” Big Aunt snaps, looking around.
“No, not literally, Big Aunt. I just mean we’re involved in something really dangerous, and I think it’s best to put some distance between us and these people.”
“You can go,” Second Aunt says. “You and Nathan go sana, if you so worry. But I am staying here.” Her expression is so determined that I know there is no hope in hell of convincing her otherwise. And can I blame her? I of all people know exactly how it feels to finally be reunited with the love of my life. I look at Nathan and think back to that fateful day when I saw him again on the island after years of pining after him. We lock eyes, and I know he’s thinking the exact same thing. And for Second Aunt, it’s been even longer. An entire lifetime away from Abi before finally meeting him again. Of course she’s not going to let that chance slip from her fingers. What would make anyone give up a chance at true love?
I reach out and put a hand on Second Aunt’s arm. “Okay, Second Aunt. You get your man.” She giggles—actually giggles —and my heart twists because in a crazy way, this is reallykind of romantic. I truly hope things work out for her and Abi this time around.
“So you two going to leave me here?” Ma says plaintively.
My insides explode in the world’s biggest groan, but I manage not to say it out loud. Trust Ma to pull the parental guilt on me. I meet Nathan’s eye and a whole unspoken conversation ping-pongs between us.What do we do? Stay? Go?
How long of a grudge will your mom have for us?
Oh, this is a forever thing. When she is old and bent over a walking stick, she’ll still be telling everyone about how we abandoned her and her sisters in Jakarta that one time.
Are we in actual danger? Because if we are, then we should still go even with the threat of a forever-grudge.
And that’s the million-dollar question: Are we in actual danger? Who knows? The point is that we’re trying to mitigate any possible threat to our safety.
A look around the room confirms that there are no answers to be found here, and despite myself, I feel my resolve crumbling. “We’ll sleep on it,” I say finally, not wanting to completely give in to them. “We won’t leave tonight, but I’m leaning on leaving tomorrow, if that’s okay with you, Ma?”
Ma sighs. “Of course is okay with me. Why not okay with me? Is okay you want to leave me behind, forget all about your mother.”
“We’re not leaving you behind,” I say through gritted teeth. “We’re literally asking you to come with us.”
“And lose face,” Ma snaps. “What we will say to everyone? They will ask so many questions.”
“We’ll sleep on it,” Nathan says in his usual firm but gentle way.
Glares zap through the room as we all agree on this uneasytruce. I know Ma is rattled because I don’t usually stand up for myself like this. The old me would’ve broken under their usual guilt trip and agreed to stay for as long as they want, but I can’t be like the old me anymore. I have to be firm, I have to draw the line somewhere and make the best decisions I can think of, and sometimes, those decisions are going to be diametrically opposed to what Ma and the aunties think is best. I remind myself of this as Nathan and I trudge out of the room, the atmosphere heavy on our shoulders. I remind myself of this throughout the rest of the day, when we spend time with the extended family and we all have to laugh and act normal around them, and I remind myself of this at night, when Nathan and I lie down in bed, our eyes wide open in the darkness, our thoughts rushing everywhere like frightened horses.
His hand finds mine under the covers. “You okay?” he whispers.
“Were they right? Was I just overreacting?”
“I don’t know. I mean, all that stuff they said about this being down to cultural differences... who knows, right?”
An awful thought sinks in. “Nathan, am I like my mom and aunts?”
In the silence, I can hear that Nathan’s breathing has paused. An eternity passes before he says, “In what way?”