Page 37 of The Good, the Bad, and the Aunties

“Oh my god, you think I’m like them.”

“What? No. Well, only the best parts.”

I frown. I’m about to press him, find out exactly in what way he thinks I’m like Ma, when I realize that’s exactly what Ma would do. Damn it. Okay, what would Ma not do? She wouldn’t let it go. She would spend the rest of the night ruminating, and then confront him for answers the following morning. And I am not going to be like that, because I am not Ma.I take a deep breath and force my muscles to relax. I think of happy sheep trundling down a meadow and jumping over a fence—no, that’s stressful. Why would they jump over a fence that’s clearly there to protect them? Nothing good’s on the other side, sheep. Okay. I take another deep breath and imagine myself in a beautiful forest, surrounded by leafy trees. Cool, this is working. As I slowly drift to sleep, I congratulate myself on successfully not turning into Ma.

But when we are shaken awake in the morning by Ma and find ourselves blinking, confused, at Ma, Big Aunt, and Fourth Aunt, all of them wearing terrified frowns, I realize that I’ve made a horrible mistake. I should have pushed them harder. I should’ve morphed into a forceful auntie myself and insisted on getting my own way. I should’ve nagged and guilted and prodded until they all packed their bags and drove to the airport. Because the first thing Ma says is: “You have to get up. Second Aunt iskidnapped.”

10

Nathan is the first to speak. “What do you mean ‘kidnapped’?” I have no idea how he manages to sound so lucid and alert when I’m still sitting there blinking stupidly. The world has a murky quality to it that makes me feel as though I’m underwater, my thoughts swimming slowly. I squeeze my eyes shut and open them again, hoping it will wake me up.

“Aduh, what you mean, what I mean, kidnapped?” Ma cries. “Kidnap itu ya kidnap. Is there other meaning to kidnap?”

“I think he’s asking how it happened and who did it,” Fourth Aunt snaps. She turns to Nathan. “Second Aunt likes to do Tai Chi every morning—”

Big Aunt snorts. “He know. Everybody know. She always telling everybody how she like to do the Tai Chi every morning, always boasting about it.” Her words are callous, but I catch the slight crack in Big Aunt’s voice, and this is whatwakes me up. Big Aunt is worried. Sure enough, when I look at her closely, I see the telltale signs of anxiety; the way her mouth is pinched, the way she’s woven her fingers through each other and is grasping so tightly that her knuckles have turned white. My breath catches in my throat. Big Aunt is worried about Second Aunt, her nemesis. Things are serious.

“Right,” Fourth Aunt continues, “so this morning, she went out to the front yard to do Tai Chi—”

“Aiya, how you know what happen?” Ma interrupts. “You were sleeping, you lazy bum. I was awake, I was in the kitchen making tea for me and Second Aunt—”

“Right, so you were making your weed tea as usual—”

“Not weed tea. Jasmine tea!” Ma snaps. “Anyway, then I hear cars screech. I look up and I see this big black car stopping outside the gate, then these men come out—aduh, they so scary deh—they force gate open like this—” She mimes wrenching open the gate. “And they—they—” Her voice breaks. “They just take her! She doing the Tai Chi and they just grab her. I run outside but they gone already.”

Horrified doesn’t even begin to describe what I’m feeling. Whatever is going through me right now, it actually feels physical, like someone’s punched me directly in the stomach, knocking all of the wind out of me. Nausea pulses through me in sickening waves. Next to me, Nathan looks just as shell-shocked as I feel. I don’t know how to process this. Maybe I should, after all that we’ve been through—accidental murder, overpowering a bunch of fake mafia members at our wedding—this shouldn’t come as such a blow, but it does.

It’s the thought of poor Second Aunt, grabbed by unknown men while she was doing something as innocuous and mundane as Tai Chi. This isn’t supposed to happen. Not to normalpeople like us. But then again, after everything we’ve done, maybe we’re not normal people. Maybe it’s exactly the kind of thing that happens to people like us.

Tears flood my eyes. My head feels hot, like my skin is about to melt right off my skull.I told you we should’ve left!I want to shriek at them. But Ma and the aunties look so wretched, their faces twisted with anxiety and sorrow, that I can’t possibly allow myself to play the blame game right now. No, what’s most important right now is getting Second Aunt back.

“They leave this on front lawn.” Ma produces an envelope, and Nathan takes it.

For kidnappers, they have strangely good taste. The envelope is made of thick, creamy paper with a letterpress logo on it that says: KKH. My stomach sinks so low it threatens to fall right out of me. That can only be Kristofer Kolumbes Hermansah.

Sure enough, when Nathan takes out the card inside and reads it out loud, my fears are confirmed.

“You stole something from my granddaughter.”

•••

“This is preposterous!” Abi roars. He starts pacing about the room like a caged tiger, his teeth gritted, his hands squeezed into fists. His rage emanates from him in a blinding aura, and I find myself leaning away from him without even realizing it.

Julia Child, who has made herself comfortable despite just arriving moments ago, rolls her eyes, seemingly unperturbed by this outburst. “It’s somewhat unfortunate, yes.”

“Unfortunate?” Abi swings around to face her. What happened to all of that deference and fearful respect he had toward her just a day ago? Even as I think that, I realize that it’s all gone, burned away by his love for Second Aunt. It’s touchingin a really horrible, awful way. I want to weep for him and everyone involved, but most of all, I want to sob out of anxiety and concern for Second Aunt. I hope she’s safe. “This isn’t what I’d call unfortunate. It’s unacceptable. This is a slap in the face. It’s a challenge. We have to meet it.”

Something cold tingles across my skin. Hang on, this sounds like an escalation, not a resolution. I’ve spent enough time with my own ma and aunties to know that when they go into escalation mode, I really need to step in before they cause World War III. “Can we maybe try to speak with Kristofer peacefully and come to some sort of compromise?”

“What?” Abi roars. “Speak with Kristofer peacefully? You might as well try to reason with a snake.”

Julia Child snorts. “Unfortunately, in this instance, I agree with Abraham. Kristofer is not someone who is receptive to reason and logic.”

Abi nods. “The only way we can get Enjelin back is by going head-to-head against him.” He pauses and stands up straight, his chest swelling with incandescent anger. “War,” he whispers.

Julia Child clicks her tongue, still looking unimpressed. “Hmm.”

“War?” Nathan says. He breaks his stare from Abi to give me a look that says:Is he serious?

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