Page 42 of The Good, the Bad, and the Aunties

Convince caterers to let the rest of us join their catering group somehow. (Key person: Fourth Aunt. Method: TBA.)

Go into the house. (Method: TBA.)

Locate Second Aunt. (Method: TBA.)

Dress Second Aunt in caterer’s uniform. (Note: Must have extra caterer’s uniform handy.)

Steal out of the house without anyone noticing. (Method: TBA.)

Drive straight to airstrip. Fly off onAbi’s Julia’sAbi’s plane to Dubai, refuel. (Julia Child: “Hah! My plane has the capacity to fly all the way to LA without having to refuel in Dubai.”) Fly off in Julia’s plane. (Abi: “Too obvious. They’ll be looking for you in LA. A layover in Dubai would throw them off the scent.”) Fly off on a plane.

Despair threatens to overwhelm me as I stare at the list. There are so many ways that it could go wrong. Butapparently, Ma and Fourth Aunt must be looking at a different list, because they both straighten up with gusto, their faces shining with triumph.

“Good plan,” Ma announces. “Very simple. So easy.”

“In and out,” Fourth Aunt agrees. “So straightforward.”

Really? For once they’re agreeing, and this is what they choose to agree on?

“I don’t know that it’s as straightforward as you guys think,” I mutter. “Each step has a lot more to it than it seems. I mean, the first step, convincing the caterers—”

“Don’t worry about it.” Fourth Aunt flaps her hand at me, her bejeweled nails very nearly taking out an eye. “I’ve got it all under control.”

I let the silence hang for a second before I go to the next foreseeable obstacle. “Then there’s locating Second Aunt. The house looks humongous. How are we going to—”

Abi holds up a finger. “Ah, I might be of some help there. I think there are a few likely options: a guest bedroom...”

Nathan dutifully jots this down on the list.

“The helpers’ quarters, away from the main party...”

We all nod thoughtfully.

Abi’s face darkens as he says, “Or a dungeon.”

“I’m sorry, what?” I blurt out.

---