Page 50 of The Good, the Bad, and the Aunties

Too late, Fourth Aunt is already stroking the Maserati like it’s a favorite pet, purring at it lovingly. “Oh, my baby, look at you. Here, Meddy, take a pic for me. Do it for the ’gram.”

“Okay, the last thing we want is photographic evidence of us being down here.”

But she’s shoving her phone in my face, ignoring my protests as usual. With a cry of frustration, I snatch the phone from her, balancing the tray of drinks in one hand and swiping furiously at her phone screen to get to the camera app. I take a picture and hand the phone back to her.

“Now do a video for TikTok.” She struts over to a Rolls-Royce and, to my horror, drapes her entire body over it so her back is arched and her boobs are thrusting up.

“Oh god.” I close my eyes, willing this nightmare to end. When I came into this house to save Second Aunt, the last thing I envisioned myself having to do is shoot raunchy TikTok videos of my auntie. I just. I can’t. I keep my eyes away from her as I hit Record. Fourth Aunt winks at the phone.

“Hi, lovelies,” she croons. “Isn’t this car a beauty? Oof, nothing better than riding a rough, powerful engine under—”

“Okay, that’s enough.” I hit Stop and hand the phone back to her.

Fourth Aunt frowns, straightening up. “I wasn’t done, Meddy. My followers are voracious for content. You should know, being a young person and all. Though you wouldn’t know it from the way you behave,” she mutters.

“We’ve got more pressing matters to attend to instead of your TikTok followers.”

“God, Meddy,” she groans, throwing her arms up. “I swear, youth is wasted on you. You should’ve been born a middle-aged auntie.”

I grit my teeth and stalk away, hoping like mad that she will follow me. Fortunately, minutes later, I hear her high-heeled footsteps clacking across the floor toward me. I let my breath out. Okay. Now what?

There are a few doors around us. One of them is obviously a garage door leading outside. I go to the farthest one and lean closer to it, listening. There are noises inside. Sounds like someone’s watching TV. Interesting. Fourth Aunt, who’s arrived at the same door, listens intently before gesturing at me to walk away from the door. When we’re sufficiently out of hearing range, she waves at my tray.

“Bring that closer.”

I do so, wondering what she’s up to, and she dips into her cleavage and takes out a packet of brown powder. I wince. “Ma’s concoction?”

“Hey, it’s never failed us before.” She divides the contents of the package among the four champagne flutes and stirs it with her index finger until everything is dissolved. She pauses and quirks an eyebrow up at me. “You gonna whine about it being unhygienic?”

I shrug defensively. “I mean, no.” I kind of was.

She unbuttons the top two buttons of her top, until the lace trimming of her bra is showing, then smiles at me. “Showtime.”

God help us.

Fourth Aunt knocks on the door. The noise behind it stopsabruptly. Sounds like the TV’s just turned off. A moment later, a male voice calls out, “What is it?”

“Refreshments.” Fourth Aunt winks at me again, her mouth open in a barely repressed laugh. Should she be enjoying this quite this much? There’s no time to dwell on Fourth Aunt’s obvious delight at the situation, however, because the next moment, the door swings open.

“Oh.” The uniformed man standing behind it is clearly not expecting us. He peers around our shoulders, checking the rest of the basement, then frowns at us. “What—”

Before he can finish the rest of the sentence, Fourth Aunt smoothly takes a champagne flute from the tray and pushes it at him with a coy smile. “Here you go. Happy Chinese New Year!”

“Uh—” The man, who has raised his hand instinctively, looks surprised to see the champagne glass suddenly in his hand. I totally empathize with him. The number of times I’ve ended up holding something I didn’t want because Ma or the aunts just thrust it in my face...

“It’s from upstairs. The big boss.” Fourth Aunt jerks her chin up to indicate the floor above us. “He wanted all of his employees to know that he appreciates each and every one of you.”

“I don’t know—drinking on the job—”

Fourth Aunt giggles, the sound making me cringe because argh, the last thing I wanted is to witness my auntie flirting. “Oh, a big man like you. It’s just one little glass of champagne, you won’t even feel it.” She waggles a playful finger at him. “And I’m stopping you at one, mister.”

Okay, ew.

But it works on the security guard, who, with a reluctant smile, lifts his glass to his lips. “Please thank him for me. I really wasn’t expecting anything like this.”

“He’s full of surprises. Bottoms up!” Fourth Aunt places the tip of her finger underneath the champagne flute and gently but confidently coaxes it up.

The guard drinks it all up in one swallow. When he’s done, he gives a small burp. “Huh. I thought these posh drinks would taste a lot better, to be honest. But don’t tell Mr. Kristofer that.”

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