Page 52 of The Good, the Bad, and the Aunties

“Uh, I don’t think that’s scientifically possible...”

Ma tuts. “Hanh, this one I hear from my WhatsApp group. So I know, is definitely real. You listen to me, I know all this thing. You don’t know because you and Meddy never watch the videos I forward to you kids. They are all very edumacational, you really should watch, you know, tell you real thing about the world.”

I squeeze my eyes shut with frustration. The number of scam videos that Ma and the aunties forward to the family WhatsApp group chat is unbelievable. Years ago, I watched them dutifully but stopped when in one of the videos, an elderly Chinese uncle said, “To avoid getting cold and flu viruses, gargle with boiling hot water.” I made Ma and the aunties promise that they wouldnevergargle with boiling hotwater, and they tutted and said of course they would never do such a silly thing. But then why forward that video? The mind boggles. Anyway, I decided then that it was better for my mental health to not watch any more of these viral scam videos, and of course, right now is the time that my mother chooses to bring them up. Sometimes, I just cannot with her. Okay, a lot of the times.

“I’ll ah—I’ll look them up when we’re not in Kristofer’s house looking for Second Aunt?” Nathan says with a touch of panic in his voice.

Ma sighs. “Always an excuse with you kids. Never a good time to talk about it. Then when can we talk about it?”

“Uh. Okay, Ma. I promise you, once we’re out of here safe and sound, we’ll all sit down and you can talk to us about all of your concerns. How does that sound?”

“Dang,” Fourth Aunt says, “he’s good.”

He really is. Despite my frustration at Ma’s awful timing, I’m also proud of Nathan for handling this with so much kindness and respect. If I were him, I wouldn’t react half as well. I would be tearing out my hair and going,Are you freaking serious? Right now is the time you’re choosing to bring this up?

“No wonder she wanted to be paired up with him when we split up,” Fourth Aunt laughs.

Gah, that’s so true. I hadn’t even thought of that. So all that time, while we were frantically trying to come up with a way to save Second Aunt, Ma was like,Ooh, good opportunity for me to corner my son-in-law.I am going to need to have a serious talk with her when all this is over.

But my frustration toward Ma is short-lived because just then, I spot it. Or rather, I spot her. Second Aunt. “There!” Icry, pointing at a screen in the far right corner. “Oh my god, there she is.”

To my relief, Second Aunt is not in a dungeon. In fact, it looks like she’s in a luxurious guest bedroom, complete with a four-poster bed and plenty of space to move around in. She’s using the space well, standing in front of the vanity mirror and—of course—doing Tai Chi. I move the cursor over to her screen and switch the sound over to Second Aunt.

“Carry the tiger over the mountain.” On the screen, Second Aunt moves her arms up languidly, gently. “And now turn...”

My breath releases in a relieved huff. “She sounds totally fine. They haven’t harmed her.” My muscles feel loose, and it’s only then that it hits me how frightened I’d been this whole time. How worried I was for Second Aunt’s safety. Seeing her in that bedroom doing Tai Chi, speaking calmly, fortifies me. She’s okay! Maybe Abi and Julia Child have been telling the truth all along, that they’re not triad leaders but legit businesspeople. And maybe, as Julia Child insisted, it’s not really kidnapping, but more like a very insistent invitation. Okay, that sounds ridiculous. It’s very definitely kidnapping. But still. She’s okay!

I straighten up, grinning, feeling like we’ve just come out of a very dark tunnel at long last. “Let’s go get her.”

Fourth Aunt gets up and holds up her fist at me. “We did great work, kiddo.”

I bump her fist. “Yeah, you were brilliant.” I glance at the poor guard, who’s still out on the floor. Poor dude never really had a chance against Fourth Aunt. I take out my phone and send Nathan a quick message to let him know that we’ve found Second Aunt and are headed toward the guest bedrooms right now.

We’re both in high spirits as we walk out of the security room and up the stairs. Even before we reach the ground floor, the sounds of people chatting and laughing drift down to us. It sounds like the guests have started to arrive, which is even better for us as it’ll give us more cover. Yes! And if things go badly—knock on wood—surely it would be a lot harder for Kristofer to capture us. He wouldn’t want his guests witnessing any sort of violence. My heart soars. We’re almost in the clear.

“Has Nathan replied?” Fourth Aunt says as we reach the top of the stairs.

My reply is sliced short by a loud gasp. The shout that follows stabs right through my guts. “What are you doing here?”

Time stops. Slowly, painfully, Fourth Aunt and I turn. They say your whole life flashes before you when you’re about to die, but what flashes before my eyes is my future. Specifically, how there probably won’t be one. Because there, standing one arm’s length away from us, staring with open-mouthed shock, is the man who masterminded it all, the man whose house we’ve broken into, the man that even Abi is fearful of. Kristofer Kolumbes.

15

It feels like I’m staring into the face of my doom. And that face looks like Tony Leung’s. Which is to say, handsome and well-groomed, with a clear undercurrent of potential deadliness. Have I ever been so terrified in my life? Well, okay, probably yes, like for example when I was stuck in the car with Ah Guan. And then later when I thought I’d killed him. And there was that time with Staphanie—

Okay, so I have been terrified a lot of times in my life. A lot more than normal, that’s for sure. But it doesn’t get any better. It’s not like riding a bicycle, where you learn a skill and that skill stays with you for life. It’s more like riding a unicycle, except the unicycle is made of broken glass and razor blades. Okay, so maybe that made no sense and maybe my brain is just babbling on and on to distract from the fact that Fourth Aunt and I are probably about to die horrific deaths. How do the mafia kill people here? Guns? Machete?

“Please—” The word chokes out of my throat, wobbly with unshed tears.

“I can’t believe this!” Kristofer roars, his whole face turning red.

I squeeze my eyes shut. This is it.

“Mimi Chan. It’s you. I would recognize you anywhere. Waduh!”

Okay, there was a lot more joy in that statement than what I was expecting. Unless the thought of torturing and killing two people sparks joy in Kristofer, which is entirely possible. Still, curiosity overcomes my terror and I crack open one eye. Kristofer is beaming, his eyes alight with sheer joy, his grin so wide that it covers half his face.

“Who invited you here? Ah, it must be Robert. That sneaky, wonderful bastard. I can’t believe he even had you dressed up as one of the help,” Kristofer laughs. I swear he’s this close to clapping and skipping around like a little kid. He holds out his hands to Fourth Aunt. “Mimi Chan in the flesh. Wow.”

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