Page 47 of You Will Never Be Me

“I…yeah. Thank you for the kind words.”

The rest of the group has joined her now, crowding around me like a pack of hyenas.

“Do the police have any idea where she is?” someone says.

I shake my head. “I know about as much as you all do, I’m afraid.”

“I can’t believe it,” someone else says. A mom named Marla.She’s always hated me, but now she’s pouting at me in sympathy. “Your best friend. Oh, is there anything I can do?”

Leaving me the hell alone would be nice, I think. “Try to get the message out. The more people we have looking for Meredith, the better.”

They all nod. “Of course, yes,” Marla says.

“Did you hear what her sister said, though?” Pamela says. “Apparently, she sent a text message? Saying she was sick of everything, right? I mean, is there a possibility that she decided to leave? You know her best, Aspen; what do you think?”

I think you are all a bunch of vultures who don’t deserve a shred of my time. I take a deep breath. “Ah—I don’t know. Maybe? It’s possible.”

Pamela leans closer, like a predator sensing blood. “But surely you know something. You two were so close. Best friends. Like sisters, even. She must’ve told you something?” Her eyes glitter with barely concealed glee.

The familiar fear rises up within me, its jagged edges slicing into me. Do they know? Are they just toying with me the way a cat plays with a wounded mouse?

“I really don’t know much.” God, someone get me out of here. But there’s no one. No help. If I want to get out of this unscathed, I need to rely on my own wits. And haven’t I been doing that for years? My resolve hardens, and I look Pamela in the eye. “But here’s what I know: Motherhood is so tough. So much tougher than I thought it would be.”

There is a round of nods andmh-mms.

“And she’s a single mom, so it’s even harder on her. I don’t blame her for wanting to get away. Don’t we all, at some point? Imean, I don’t know about you ladies, but sometimes I feel so overwhelmed I just want to go on a retreat, you know? I hope that Mer is at some beautiful resort, sipping a margarita. The alternative is…” I gulp and shake my head, and everyone murmurs their agreement.

The bell rings then, and I scan the kids streaming out of the school and—thank god—spot the twins. “Girls, over here!” I call out, barely able to keep the relief out of my voice. “Excuse me, ladies.” With a few meaningful glances at one another, the group of moms disperses, and I hold out my arms to hug Elea and Noemie. Thank god I got through that.

I half expect Elea to duck underneath my arms the way she usually does, but to my surprise, both girls fling themselves at me and hug me tight. Then it hits me. Of course. They must’ve heard too. A couple of the kids in their class already have their own phones. By now, Meredith’s disappearance would’ve gone so viral that it would be impossible to be in the dark. The realization slams into me with ruthless force. Of all the people I’d hoped to keep out of this whole mess, it’s the kids. It’s always been about protecting the kids. But now, here they are, singed by the fire I’ve created.

“Is it true? Was Aunt Mer kidnapped?” Elea whimpers, looking up at me with wide eyes. I’m not used to my little firebrand looking so vulnerable, and the sight of it cracks my heart wide open.

Noemie doesn’t say anything, just hides her face in my leg. I go down on my knees and hug them tight. “I’m so sorry, pumpkins. Aunt Mer is missing, but you know what? It probably wasn’t a kidnapping or anything like that. I think that maybe she needed some time to herself.”

“But why did you beg her kidnapper to let her go in your video?” Noemie says.

Well, shit. “I…” Nope, I can’t think of a single answer that would allay their suspicions. “You’re right. I don’t know. Maybe she was kidnapped. Maybe she left to discover herself.”

“So she could be tied up in a dungeon right now?” Elea says, her eyes wide.

“I—I really hope not. I don’t think so. I don’t know.” I stroke their little faces and straighten up. “Hey, shall we go grab a smoothie?” There is a place nearby that does veggie smoothies, and they are less atrocious for diabetics than fruit smoothies, so it’s okay for Noemie to have them once in a while.

“No,” Noemie says, while Elea shakes her head. “We just want to go home.”

They both look so terrified that I almost burst into tears then and there. I crouch down again and look them in the eyes. “Listen to me. You girls are safe, okay? Mommy isn’t going to let anything bad happen to you.”

They nod and a little bit of the fear leaves their faces, but as I buckle Elea into her car seat, she suddenly grips my hand tight and says, “But how will you stop the bad guy from taking us too? Aunt Mer is a grown-up, and she couldn’t stop the bad guy from taking her.”

My mouth sets into a thin line. “I’m a lot stronger than Aunt Mer. And don’t forget, we’ve got Daddy. So there are two of us looking after all of you.”

The irony of the situation doesn’t escape me. I know how awful it is—the fact that the person my kids are afraid of is me. But what other choice do I have? I can’t say,Don’t worry, kids, I was the one who kidnapped Aunt Mer, and I’m hardly going to do thesame to you, am I?Instead, I turn on some music and we drive home without saying another word, letting the music drown out our thoughts.

Once we get home, the twins, as usual, park themselves in front of the TV while I change Sabine’s diaper. But when Elea turns the TV on, the first thing I hear is some announcer’s voice saying, “—has been reported missing. Meredith Lee is a thirty-two-year-old mother and TikTok star. As of this morning, she has over three million followers on TikTok, and one million on Instagram. She was last seen by her sister, Clara Lee, on the night of the fourteenth of last month.”

I hurry over and turn it to a different channel.

“Aww, Mommy!” Elea says. “We were watching that.”

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