Page 68 of You Will Never Be Me

Liv stands back, chewing her lip. I bend down and say to the twins, “Go on inside, sweethearts.”

Elea and Noemie grin and say, “Hi, Liv!” as they slip past her into the house.

“Wait—” Liv sighs and gives me a look before stepping aside. “Come on in. Hi, Sabbie. Rain will be so happy to see you.”

Liv’s house is a lot smaller than mine, but it’s well on its way to being Pinterest worthy. The decor is simple but pretty with plenty of houseplants, which gives the space some color and life.One corner of the living room is enclosed into a playpen, like mine. Rain is toddling around inside, playing with various toys. I head straight for the playpen and plop Sabine in it. The two babies look at each other and laugh.

Liv is standing with her arms crossed in front of her when I straighten up, wincing. “You really shouldn’t be here,” she says.

“Can we talk in private? Please?” I look at the twins pointedly. They’ve made themselves at home on Liv’s sofa, and Elea has located the TV remote control.

Liv breathes in deeply. “Come on into the kitchen.”

Unlike my house, Liv’s house is an old build and therefore doesn’t have an open-plan kitchen. Which, as it turns out, has its good points. Privacy, for one. Once we’re in the kitchen, I turn to Liv and say, “Liv, I need to tell you something really big. I don’t know what to do about it, and I don’t know who else to tell. You’re my closest friend, the only person I can trust.”

“Wh—wait—what?”

“Please, Liv. I have no one else.” I grasp her hand tightly, my chin trembling.

“Okay. Yes, of course. What is it?” She leans closer to me, and she’s so eager to hear what my awful secret is that she seems to have forgotten how to blink.

“I—” I glance around to make sure no one is listening, then whisper, “I think Ben killed Meredith.”

“What?” Liv leaps back like I’ve just hit her.

“Shh!” I hiss, putting a finger to my lips. “I don’t want the twins to hear.”

“Sorry!” Liv whispers back. “I just—no, that’s not possible. Everyone says you—” She licks her lips and falters.

I utter a soft sob. “Yes, I know. Everyone thinks I did it. Butyou know I didn’t, Liv. You know I couldn’t possibly have done anything like that. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have let me into your house. Trust your instincts. What are they telling you? The last few weeks, we were so close. We were best friends. You know me better than anyone. Do you really think I could’ve killed someone?”

Liv hesitates, uncertainty wrinkling her forehead. “But—”

I turn around and lift my shirt.

“What are you do—oh my god.” Liv’s protest ends in a horrified hiss. “Aspen, what happened?”

I know what she’s seeing. The bruise in the middle of my lower back, an obscene-looking blob, the color of an eggplant, spread across my skin like an ugly continent. It looks all the more grotesque because, ever since killing Meredith, I haven’t had much of an appetite. I’ve lost weight, and my spine sticks out of my back, each knob visible under the skin, and the outline of my rib cage can be seen clearly too. To put it plainly, my back looks terrible. When I’m confident that Liv has fully absorbed the true horror of my situation, I lower my shirt back down and turn to face her. Then, I roll up my sleeves and show her the bruises around my arms where Ben had grabbed me. Liv covers her mouth with both hands, blinking rapidly.

“Ben happened,” I say softly.

“No,” Liv moans.

I lower my sleeves, taking my time. “He did. I know you like him. I know…you and Ben had a thing. I don’t blame you,” I say quickly. “Trust me, I really don’t. Our marriage has been over for a long time. I only stayed with him because—well, I thought the girls needed their father, and stability. But now I have to be honest with myself. I feel safer when Ben isn’t around. I’m actuallyrelieved whenever I sense that he’s found someone else to sleep around with, because it means at least he’s not at home with me.”

Liv is gaping at me, and I can’t tell what she’s thinking. “But—why?” she squeaks after a while.

“Why did he beat me?” I swallow and step closer to her. “That’s the thing. The past few weeks, he’s been acting so strange. You know how you have these instincts as a woman? Like, a survival instinct or something. Mine was going off, telling me something was wrong, but I kept ignoring it because Ben’s—well, it’s Ben! My husband. The father of my kids.” I shake my head, grimacing. “But I can’t deny it anymore. And when Meredith’s body was found—oh god, Liv—the look on Ben’s face…” I utter a sob. “I knew then that he had something to do with it. I couldn’t—I didn’t know what to do. I’ve been so scared this whole time. When that couple came out and said they saw Meredith at Ben’s open house, I couldn’t hide my suspicions anymore. I asked Ben if he killed Mer.” I cover my mouth right after I say this, horrified at the awful words I’m saying.

Liv gasps, her expression aghast.

“I never expected him to do this to me. I thought he’d laugh and tell me I was being ridiculous. But he…” I shake my head, lost in the memory of that horrific night. “I thought he was going to kill me. If the kids hadn’t been in the house, I think he would’ve.”

“You should go to the police!” Liv says. “Why did you come here?”

“I’m scared,” I cry. “I didn’t know where else to go, and would the police even believe me? All the things that people are saying about me online—I’m scared, Liv. What if they think I’m making it up? There are so many lies about me on social media. I didn’thave anyone else to turn to other than you. You’re the only person I trust.”

Despite everything, I can see that Liv wants to believe me. She wants to see herself as the heroine of my story.

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