Page 12 of Vera Wong's Guide to Snooping (on a Dead Man)

Oh yes, I will look through the Instagram and see who tag in his profile! Yes, very good.

Need to buy more sesame oil and soy milk. And fortune cookie for Emma (but remind her they are not actually realChinese).

Five

TJ

It’s been a rough morning for TJ. Though, come to think of it, TJ can’t remember the last time mornings weren’t rough. But this one has been particularly unpleasant. He’s pretty sure Robin genuinely hates him by now, not just the typicalI hate everythingthat comes with puberty but actual, specific hatred directed toward him. And TJ can’t blame her. He takes a few deep breaths in his car and immediately regrets it. When was the last time he cleaned this thing? Smells like something’s died in here. With a sigh, he climbs out. He gives another sigh when he sees the office in front of him. When he first started up his firm over a year ago, he’d been so hopeful, practically skipping all the way from the parking lot to the front door and greeting his employees with a hearty “Good morning.” Now he dreads seeing them.

Somehow, TJ manages to trudge to the front door. A sign on the window says,TJ Vasquez Talent Management. TJ wants to lolsob every time he sees it now. He can’t even manage his own life. He braces himself before pushing the door open.

Elsie looks up from her desk and says, “Hi, boss.”

“Hi, Elsie. How’re you feeling today?”

Elsie pats her pregnant belly and smiles. “This one was treating my bladder like a soccer ball all of last night, but other than that, I’m good.”

TJ returns the smile. Elsie is having a girl. He’s sure she’ll be a way better parent than he is. Robin would probably agree. There are two other agents working at TJV Talent—Kit and Lomax—and they’re both at their desks scrolling through their phones. TJ greets them as he walks by but doesn’t stop to chat. He’s the only one who has an office, and he can’t wait to get inside so he can slump over his desk and close his mind off to the world. As soon as the door shuts behind him, TJ sags, the breath hissing out of him as though he were a sad, deflating balloon.

Who would’ve thought that just one single teen could ruin his entire career? But then, TJ thinks, there’s a reason why they’re called influencers. Because they influence. And anyway, it was his fault. He should’ve seen the whole mess coming. Then there was the horrible thing with Xander. TJ had barely been able to keep it together when the cops came to talk to him. He wonders, for the millionth time, how much longer he can keep the business up and running before he has to close up shop and leave Elsie, Kit, and Lomax unemployed.

A knock at TJ’s door makes him jump. He hurries to his chair, sits down with a straight back, and places his hands on his desk. Then he takes his hands off his desk and places them on his lap. After a moment, he places his right hand on his desk. Then he says, “Come in.”

The door opens. Kit and Lomax stand in the doorway, carrying a contraption that looks like a sex toy that a very adventurouscouple might use on their wedding night. “Hey, TJ, we got something for you,” Lomax says. Lomax dropped out of high school junior year and, since then, bounced from job to job until TJ hired him. TJ likes him. He likes all three of his employees. They’re all good kids.

“Whatever it is you’ve got there, I think I would prefer you leave it outside,” TJ says.

Kit narrows her eyes. “Why? What do you think it is?”

TJ clears his throat, not quite meeting Kit in the eye. Kit had spent a couple of years in a correctional facility, and it shows. She’s tough and sharp as hell, and TJ is maybe a little terrified of her sometimes, but she’s still a good kid at heart. He thinks.

“Oh my god,” Kit says. “You think it’s a sex toy, don’t you?”

“No!” TJ says.

“That is some kinky shit, boss,” Lomax says.

“I wasn’t—”

“How would this even work as a sex toy?” Kit says.

“Well, there’s that bulbous thing on the end,” TJ mumbles.

“This is a neck and shoulder massager,” Kit says flatly.

“Oh.” TJ sets his mouth in a thin line. “A neck and shoulder massager. Yeah, of course, I can see that.”

At that, both Kit and Lomax burst out laughing. “It’s totally a sex toy,” Lomax says. “I don’t even know what it does. We got it off a site named WeirdSexToys.com.”

TJ buries his face in his hands and groans. “This is so inappropriate. Get outta here and do your work.”

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