Page 35 of Vera Wong's Guide to Snooping (on a Dead Man)

“But she continuously refuses to do so, and unfortunately, we cannot allow this to continue because it’s disruptive to—”

“Robin, you are how old?” Vera says, interrupting the principal.

Robin, who has put her arms around her chest and curved in on herself, looks up. “Thirteen.”

Vera cocks her head, regarding Robin for a bit. “Okay,” she says to the principal. “I buy her bra. No need for suspend.”

Mr.Burns blinks. “Mrs.Wong, I’m sorry to inform you that the suspension is still in effect. We did give Robin ample warning—”

“Oh, rubbish,” Vera snaps.

“Excuse me?”

“Vera,” TJ says, but Vera ignores him.

“I am being courteous to you,” Vera says.

“You are?”

“You are bullying a thirteen-year-old child into wearing bra. That is very wrong, Mr.Bun, but okay, I look other way, I don’t tell you how very creepy it is, not to mention you are infringe on herhuman right. So what if she don’t want to wear bra? I don’t wear bra. They dig into my skin and give me rash. You going to tell me off about that too?” Vera scolds, sitting up very, very straight so her chest sticks out. It is impossible not to glance at her (braless) chest as she talks.

TJ’s mouth drops open. He would desperately like to forget all of this conversation right away.

“Well,” Mr.Burns sputters, “obviously not, but you’re not a student at my school.”

“Oh? But I am at your school now. Am I being disruptive because my breasts not bound? They are very big breasts, they use to be B-cup, but after I have baby, they become C and they never shrink back.”

“W-well—”

“But never mind that. Like I say, is okay. I look other way even though you are being so inappropriate and also my son is lawyer, he is going to be senior associate soon. His office is at the Embarcadero. He is very important and he is always saying, ‘Ma, if you need help with anything, just come to me.’Andhe is soon to be engage to a detective. A police officer, very high ranking. She is very beautiful, and they will give me beautiful grandbabies. So, if I want to, I can push back against you and your bra fetish, but I am being nice, Mr.Bun.”

“Burns,” the principal mumbles, not quite meeting Vera’s eye.

“What? You need to speak up,” Vera says.

Robin looks suspiciously like she’s biting back a laugh. TJ has no idea what his own face is doing, but his brain at least is going,Whaaaa?

“My name is Burns,” Mr.Burns says.

“Yes, that is what I been calling you. Don’t change subject. Focus. I say okay, I will take Robin to look for bra, and if we find one she like, then okay, maybe she want to wear it. But if she has sensitive skin like me, then you let her be, Mr.Bun, and stop looking at my granddaughter’s chest.”

“I wasn’t—it was reported to me,” Mr.Burns cries.

“And you tell whoever snitch to you to stop looking at her chest, yes?” Vera pauses expectantly.

There is a moment of silence.

“You don’t find it worrying that someone keep staring so hard at a child’s chest that they notice she not wearing bra?” Vera pushes.

“I’ll…have a word with them,” Mr.Burns says.

“Good. Otherwise my son, the important lawyer at big law firm, have word with you. And I am social media star, so I will splash this story all over the social media. You think I won’t? I am Chinese mother, all I do is create conflict. You think CIA know anything about destabilizing? They know nothing compare to me!”

TJ almost feels sorry for Mr.Burns, who’s gaping at Vera in open horror. Almost. But a bigger part of TJ wants to clap for Vera, except he doesn’t because he’s kind of really terrified of her right now.

“Now, I think we all agree education is number one important thing in child’s life, so Robin will come back to school tomorrow. I always find this suspension thing very silly, don’t you? Very anti-education. We don’t do such thing in Asia, you know.”

“I’m sure that’s not true,” Mr.Burns says. “Asian schools are known for much harsher punishments…”

---