Page 64 of Vera Wong's Guide to Snooping (on a Dead Man)

“Here you go,” Oliver says, handing her one of the roast duck sandwiches.

Millie takes a bite, and it is delicious. The duck skin is crispy, the flesh juicy, and there are julienned cucumbers and green onions in the sandwich that take it to a whole new level of freshness. “This is so good.”

“Mmm. Oh yeah, good job, me,” Oliver says, his mouth full.

Ugh, even when he talks with his mouth full, he’s still so cute. Millie puts the sandwich down on her napkin.

“Uh-oh. What’s wrong?”

She shakes her head. “Nothing.” Can she say it? She can. Nope, she can’t. “There’s something I—” She chokes on the words and has to start over. “Oliver, I want to—” That came out sounding so wrong, and now Oliver looks worried, and can she blame him? Desperation catches hold of her, and she lifts her hand and places it woodenly on top of his. Oh god, this is painful.

Oliver looks down at his hand, then back up at her. Then realization dawns. Then, horrifyingly, horror appears on his face. Just for a split second, but still. Millie spots it and snatches her hand back.

“Millie—”

“Never mind,” she says quickly.

“No, wait, I’m sorry. I didn’t—”

“It’s okay.” She gathers her things. Her face is tingling, numb. She feels like she’s been slapped.

“Wait, Millie. I’m so sorry. I thought we were just hanging out. As friends. I’m kind of clueless about these things, so, I’m sorry.”

As friends? The words trigger something inside her, and suddenly, Millie is furious. Friends? She glares up at him. “How the hell can you possibly think we’re just friends?”

Oliver’s mouth drops open. “I don’t know, I guess I assumed that anyone who wants to hang out with me wants to do so as a friend.”

“What about Vera setting us up?”

Oliver winces. “Vera is always trying to set people up. It doesn’t even matter who they are, as long as they’re single, she will try tolook for a partner for them. I—I’m sorry that you didn’t know. I—she’s tried to set me up with five people since I got to know her.”

“I’ve been giving you all the signals!”

Oliver looks blankly at her, and Millie raises her hands before letting them drop limply by her sides. “So, you don’t like me at all?” she says, not caring how desperate it makes her sound.

“I mean, I like you as a friend. I’m not looking for anything like that right now. I—and Millie, I’m like ten years older than you.”

“So?” Since when is that an issue? None of the men she’s dated ever complained about her being younger than them, and some of them are twenty years older than her.

“So…I don’t know, it’s kind of a big age gap. Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to take advantage of you like this, and I’m really sorry, Millie.”

Tears sting the back of Millie’s eyes. What’s so wrong with her that he doesn’t like her back? She hasn’t been rejected in years. Mother’s mantra has been tried and tested, and isn’t that what every man wants—a young and vulnerable woman? She reaches out for Oliver’s hand again. “It’s okay if you didn’t see me that way before. Maybe we can just have fun with each other. We’re both single and lonely, right? What’s wrong with taking pleasure in each other?” God, she sounds so desperate. She can’t even tell right now if she actually wants to be with him because she really wants to or because it’s what she thinks she should do. In the end, does the distinction between the two matter?

Oliver squeezes her hand before taking his away. “I’m alone, but I’m not lonely. And maybe you feel lonely, but you’re not alone. You’ve got me, but more importantly than that, you’ve got Vera.” He chuckles. “Vera will sort your life out, trust me. I was a messwhen she found me, and I don’t know how she did it, but whatever she did, it worked. Millie, you’ve got good people around you.”

The kindness in his words only makes Millie feel even worse. Oliver isn’t even interested in having a sexual relationship with her when she’s practically offered it up to him on a silver platter. Has she lost it? Is she past her prime? Is she no longer young or vulnerable enough?

“Do you want me to take you home?” Oliver says.

Home. The thought of going back to Mother and Father right now makes Millie feel ill. They’ll know. They’ll see it on her face—she could never lie to them—and they won’t be happy that she’s wasted so much time with Oliver. A girl’s worth, they always say, is in her youth. Once it’s gone, the girl is worthless. Millie thinks about what they might do when they decide she’s worthless, and her belly twists so hard that she almost pukes.

“Do you want to go to Vera’s?”

She hears his voice from afar and feels herself nodding.

“Okay.” Oliver begins packing everything up without complaint, and Millie feels another stab of guilt that he’s gone to all this effort only for her to take one bite and then ruin everything. And he’s done all this because he sees her as a…friend. Is this what friends do for each other? What a strange and alien concept.

They are silent on the car ride to Vera’s. Millie keeps her gaze resolutely out of the window, and Oliver doesn’t try to make conversation. When they get to Vera’s, she jumps out of the car and rushes inside the shop without waiting for Oliver.

---