Page 54 of Worth Fighting For

“Refreshing, isn’t it?” Shang calls back behind his shoulder.

“Yep,” I manage to gasp out. I force myself to take a deep inhale and hold it for a few seconds before letting it out. At least this seems to be as deep as it goes—nope, as we near the middle of the river, the water rises until it laps over my thighs.Is this normal? What if it’s been an exceptionally wet year and the waterline is deeper than Shang expected and we get washed away and—

To my utter surprise, though, despite all the whirling, screaming thoughts going through my head, a part of me is having fun. I can’t remember the last time I felt so alive. Every part of me is present in this moment. In my day-to-day life, I spend so much of my time staring at my computer screen, and when I’m not doing that, I’m having to play a role, whether it be Finance Bro Mulan or Filial Daughter Mulan, in order to survive my days. But right now, no piece of me is distracted. All my senses are concentrated on this pinpoint in time, where I’m traversing across an actual river on horseback, with shockingly cold water swirling all around me. I look up at the endless blue sky and laugh.

Shang looks back at me and grins, as though he knows exactly what’s going through my mind. There’s so much understanding between us. Then his eyes widen and his mouth falls open. I’m about to ask him what’s wrong, when I feel it. Slugger’s legs giving way, getting caught in the drag. There is a momentary sensation of floating, terror flooding in from all sides. From the corner of my eye, I see something bright blue bobbing in the water, rushing away from us. My overnight bag, washed away just like that, without me even realizing it. The sight of it makes an ugly pit open in the base of my stomach. We’re going to get washed down the river. We’ll drown, and we’ll drag Shang and his horse along with us, so Shang and his horse will also drown. Four lives wiped out, just like that. The horror of it is overwhelming. Then my instincts kick in and I squeeze Slugger and cry, “Go! Hyah!”

Slugger kicks in the water, and her hooves hit river rocks beneath, pushing us up and forward. The water still pushes us down, but once again, I urge Slugger forward. “You can do it, baby, come on, go!” Ahead of me Shang is doing the same, leaning forward and getting his horse to go faster. And somehow, Slugger’s hooves find purchase and I feel gravity catching hold as we scramble up, over more and more rocks until we’re in shallow waters.

Only then does my breath release, and I sag in the saddle. “Good job, Slugger,” I say, and the last word comes out in a half sob. Slugger gives a little whicker, like she knows that I’m this close to bursting into tears. “You saved us,” I say, patting Slugger’s side. The horse is breathing hard, and I feel a stab of guilt. Shang rushes over as we climb out of the river and helps me down.

“You okay?” he says.

“Yeah.” Not. I can barely meet his eye, turning instead to give Slugger a hug. “You saved us, you amazing thing.”

Slugger turns her head and nibbles my ear, making me laugh. A tear slips down my cheek, followed by another, and I wipe them quickly away, not wanting Shang to see. I need to compose myself. I need to put my mask back on. But when I finally meet his eye, he’s looking as pale and shaky as I feel.

“I think I shit myself,” he says, and I can’t help it: I collapse to the ground and laugh and cry.

Shang sits down next to me. “Sorry, I should’ve—I don’t know, been more careful.”

“There’s been a lot of rainfall this year,” I say.

“Yeah. I guess I underestimated how much rain there’d been.”

“Do you think the others made it okay?” I say. I don’t even want to consider the possibility that they might not have.

“Yeah,” Shang says without any hesitation. “Uncle Hong and Uncle Jing are used to camping. They know better than I do about safe water levels and they would’ve chosen to go a different route.”

I nod. Although the last thing I want to do is get up, I force myself back to my feet. I can’t wait to reach the campsite and change out of my wet clothes—though of course as soon as I think that, I recall with painful clarity my overnight bag getting washed away.

“My bag,” I moan.

“Yeah,” Shang says with a grimace. “That was a bad stroke of luck. But don’t worry, we’ll all share our supplies with you.”

I nod miserably, mentally going over everything I packed in there. Good thing they told me to leave my cell phone behind at the farmhouse since there would be no cell service here. Gotta be grateful for small favors. We climb back up onto our horses and this time, we ride in exhausted silence.

By the time we arrive at the campsite, the sun is just about to dip below the horizon and the air has gone from refreshingly cool to unpleasantly cold. Everyone cheers as we turn the corner.

“Where have you two been?” James calls out. “We’ve been here for, like, an hour.”

“Shang’s usually the fastest rider out of all of us,” Christopher says.

They all gather around, chatting and smiling. Mushu helps me off my horse and Uncle Jing leads Slugger to where the other horses are and gives her some feed.

“My horse got a stone in her shoe,” Shang mutters. “And I miscalculated the river. We nearly got carried away. Zhou lost her bag.”

Gasps all around. Auntie Jiayi rushes to me and says, “Zhou, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Your teeth are chattering!” Auntie Jiayi says. “Come on, you change into dry clothes now.”

“I’ll get my clothes,” Mushu says, hurrying away to her tent.

I’m surrounded by aunties clucking away worriedly at me and I don’t resist as they lead me to one of the bigger tents. In fact, I find their overbearing concern reassuring. For the first time today, I feel like I don’t have to put up a brave front with them. I’ve done my part, I’ve braved the river, and now I’m ready to be fussed over. Mushu comes back with clean, dry clothes, and the aunties hand me a towel and wait outside to give me some privacy. I pull off my soaking wet, hateful boots with relief, wrinkling my nose at the smell of my dripping socks. I peel off my freezing jeans and wrap myself in the towel. With the horribly wet clothes off me, I immediately feel in a better mood, and shrugging on Mushu’s warm clothes feels like heaven.

“Zhou, you need help in there?” Auntie Lulu’s voice calls from outside.

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