Page 119 of Alice Chen's Reality Check

This is that feeling again, except instead of a roller coaster, it’s Daniel doing this to me. Daniel, who I thought was starting to actually care about me. Daniel, who I just hooked up with. And yet, it’s still Daniel, who knows how to beat me at my own game.

I watch, unable to move, as Daniel pivots to the perfect angle for the cameras. “Alice,” he says, and in that moment, I hate the sound of my name on his lips. “This just isn’t working out. Yesterday, we all found out that Chase is still in love with you. And seeing that made me realize that I’m still in love with Selena. The truth is, I can’t stop thinking about her.”

“Daniel,” I begin, but nothing else comes out. I don’t know how to stop this.

He continues, “I’m sorry, but I can’t be with you. I’ll always look back fondly on the time we shared together, but the more I get to know you, the more I realize that we just aren’t compatible. You’re not the kind of person I can see myself with.”

My stomach lurches like I’m in a free fall, and I feel lightheaded as I take in what Daniel’s saying.

The moment Daniel turned to the cameras, I’d anticipated what was coming. But I hadn’t anticipated how much it would feel like a gut punch. Tears spring to my eyes.

I know he’s lying about being in love with Selena. He said himself that they’d only just started dating, and he barely seemed bothered when they broke up.

But he could be telling the truth, too—not about Selena, but aboutme. Maybe I’m not the kind of person he can see himself with. After all, from the beginning to the end, this was all fake. Our goals were temporarily aligned, that’s it. But I was stupid enough to get caught up in the heat of the moment and actually start falling for him.

And then, when he wanted out, he found a way to make it happen.

It’s clear that I can’t count on Daniel the way I thought I could. But it doesn’t matter. I’m used to being let down—by my father, by Chase, by college classmates who wouldn’t pull their weight during group projects, by school administrators who didn’t believe in my students, by doctors who pretended my mom’s accent was too hard to understand. A thousand disappointments, big and small, accrued over a lifetime.

When the chips are down, I know I can’t count on anyone other than myself and my mom. It’s only ever been us against the world, and this is just further confirmation.

Looking at Daniel, the way he can just smile at the camera while my heart breaks into so many pieces, I realize that we really are done.

—

Leah disappears to talk to Peter Dixon and Dawn Taylor. I can’t bring myself to say anything to Daniel, especially with the cameras still in the room with us.

When Leah returns, she drags us off to give our interviews.

“It was just such a whirlwind,” Daniel is saying from the other side of the room. He’s seated in a rattan chair by the window. “My feelings for Alice were real. I mean, this island is so beautiful, it’s impossible not to fall in love with whoever you’re with. But now that we’ve been together for a week, I can see that this was just a rebound for both of us. I was heartbroken over Selena. Alice was heartbroken over Chase. We were able to comfort each other, especially because of our shared history. But I think we were both starting to see that this wasn’t going to work out in the long run.”

I disappoint Leah for the last time with my interview. I can barely speak for the tears threatening to pour out and drown me. I’m not evensure what I manage to say.

“That’s fine. That’s good. We can use it,” Leah says, though I can tell she’s just letting me off the hook. She puts a hand on my shoulder, which is probably meant to be comforting, but I feel nothing inside. “Alice, sweetie, you’re going to be okay. America loves an underdog. Everyone’s going to hate Daniel for what he did, and they’ll love you. You’re going to come out on top, I guarantee it.”

I’m pretty sure I’ve hit rock bottom, but I nod anyway. As if the opinion of strangers online is at all relevant to me.

Afterward, we’re sent back to our suite to pack. Our cameraperson stays to film us collecting our things, and later, two more camerapeople arrive. It must be a slow day on the rest of the island if they’re this focused on getting footage of me stuffing my bras into my luggage.

“I’m sorry it ended this way,” Daniel says as he zips up his suitcase.

“Mm.” I don’t trust myself to speak. I’m not sure if he means our fake relationship or the competition. I stomp on my luggage to pack it down, which makes me feel a tiny bit better. I start categorizing my things to distract myself.

Toothpaste. I’ve lost my chance to win a million dollars. Hairbrush. I’ll never find out who killed Anton. Socks. I’ll never learn who almost killedme.I slam my suitcase shut with so much force that the bed bangs against the wall.

Daniel tries to say goodbye to me, but I push past him with my luggage. I want to put some distance between us. Hopefully they won’t make us take the same shuttle away from the villa. Probably a naive hope. I’m sure they’d much rather film us sitting together in stony silence. Hell, they’ll probably have us share a room and a bed wherever we’re going, just for kicks.

But as I storm through the villa, Freya intercepts me.

“Peter Dixon wants to talk to you,” Freya says. For all that Freya looks fragile, she’s much stronger than I expected. Her fingers close on my arm like a vise, and I let her steer me to one last meeting.

Peter Dixon and Dawn Taylor are there in the war room, waiting forme. But I’m done playing nice.

“What do you want?” I demand, throwing my bag on the ground and crossing my arms. I know I’m acting like a child, but I relish letting loose for once.

“Good to see you too, Alice,” Dawn Taylor says. “You’re a smart girl. You tell me why I wanted to see you.”

“I have no idea,” I say stubbornly. “Can I go?”

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