“I’m attending a fiction conference in New York next week. I fly up on Tuesday and get back the following Sunday. You’ll need to be here with Lily. You can use that time for some one-on-one. To try to reassure her that it’s us you love and care about.If you can’t commit to being faithful and putting your family first then as far as I’m concerned you can also use that time to find somewhere else to live. I’m sure you could use one of the rental properties. Or maybe one of your girlfriends would like to have you.”
“Move out?” I almost wish I had a camera to take a picture of his face.
“Well, of course. If we were getting a divorce we wouldn’t live together. This is my house. My grandmother left it to me long before we got married.”
“But... you’d be all alone.” My greatest fear has been his ace in the hole. He looks at me expectantly. Waiting for me to crumble. Or cry. Or apologize.
I do none of those things.
“That’s true.” For the first time I’m not frightened by the prospect.
Lauren and Kendra are struggling with their estrangement. Neither of them seems able to take that first step. I know how hard it can be to come to terms with a reality that’s not what you thought it was or ever wanted it to be. But I am not a child. I’ve finally finished my manuscript. I’ve proven I’m so much stronger than I ever believed. I don’t need a man, especially not this man, to complete me. “I’m pretty sure I’ll get over it.”
Kendra
The Sandcastle
It takes me over an hour to decide what to wear for my third not-really-a-date with Jake. I work through the possibilities in front of the bedroom mirror. THE DRESS hangs on the armoire behind me, a constant reminder of the daughter I’ve lost.
When I finally settle on a brand-new sleeveless turquoise drop-waist sundress with a scoop neck that ties at the shoulders, a mountain of rejected clothing covers the bed. It turns out finding a look that says “I didn’t try too hard because I don’t want it to look like I dressed for a date” is harder than it should be. So is washing and blow-drying your hair, shaving your legs, and applying makeup. Looking effortlessly attractive requires way too much effort. If my bed weren’t so overrun at the moment I’d be tempted to nap in it.
Tonight instead of going out, Jake is coming over for dinner. It’s going to be a simple meal. Just steaks on the grill, a spinach salad, and a freshly baked apple pie that I’ve cut a piece out of so that I can pretend I didn’t intentionally bake it for him. I’ve got a bottle of prosecco chilling in the refrigerator. I’m setting out a bottle of red table wine that says “I tried but not too hard” when a knock sounds on the kitchen door. Before I can open it, Bree walks in.
“I finally did it,” she says not at all joyously. There is no exclamation point attached.
“Did what?” There’s something in her eyes that I don’t recognize. Something brave and awful at the same time.
“I told Clay that if he doesn’t get his act together I’m going to file for divorce.”
“Oh.” I’ve wanted to give Clay a few swift kicks on occasion myself, but they’ve been married for close to twenty years and I know how much family means to Bree.
I’m not sure whether to applaud or commiserate. “Oh, sweetheart. Are you okay?”
She nods but her face contradicts her. Tears squeeze from the corners of her eyes. I hold out my arms and she walks into them. “I told him this morning when he came home in the middle of the night.Again.” She sniffles. “I just can’t take it anymore.”
“I know,” I murmur and stroke her hair as the tears continue to fall. “It’s okay. Everything will be all right.”
I hold her until the tears slow. When they finally stop, I release her from the hug and lead her to the kitchen table. “Coffee, tea, or prosecco?”
“Prosecco.” She looks up at me. “Definitely prosecco.”
“Sit down and tell me about it.”
The details come out quickly as I open the bottle of sparkling wine and pour us each a generous glass. Her words slow only toward the end. “I had to give him one final warning.” She scrubs at her eyes. “I should have done it a long time ago. I know it’s the right thing. I had to draw the line. But now if he...” New tears squeeze from her eyes. “I’ll have to follow through.”
“I know. It’s a big step.” I put the wineglass in her hands.
She stares down into the sparkling wine then back up at me.
“Clay is going to be with Lily while I’m in New York.”
“New York?” Even saying the name of the city Lauren ran back to is difficult.
“Yes. I’m going to a fiction writers’ conference. I have a chance to meet with agents and editors there. And, well, I figured it’s time to start educating myself about publishing. You know, from an author’s perspective instead of a bookseller’s.” She takes a sip of prosecco.
I reach down and squeeze Bree’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry about where things stand with you and Clay, but I’m very glad to see you taking control of your life and pursuing your dreams.”
She takes another sip and manages a nod and a half smile. “I’m hoping to see Lauren while I’m there. If she’s available.”