Page 75 of My Ex-Best Friend's Wedding

“Really. And it hurt like hell.”

“But I thought...”

“That because my first book got published it was a piece of cake?” Lauren takes a deep breath and releases it. “Far from it.”

“Wow.” How could I not have known this?

“Yeah. And I apologize if this is a total buzzkiller, but the rejection doesn’t stop after you get published. Anyone can say what they like online and lots of people do. They don’t have to justify a one-star review or apologize for the nasty things they sometimes write or say. And not everyone stays published forever. If you don’t build fast enough you’re gone. If you don’t sell enough books you’re gone. If your editor gets fired or leaves you can be orphaned without a champion in your publishing house. You’re gone. I know just how lucky I am to have been published for so long, but it’s a brutal business.”

I sit stunned. Not only because of the ugly starkness of what she’s saying—I’ve seen some of this from the bookseller side—but because she’s gone through and dealt with so much that I never suspected. Like my assumptions about her “adventures” in New York City, I was too green with envy to even imagine anything negative.

“I know running an independent bookstore presents plenty of challenges, too. I just don’t want you to be unprepared for what may lie ahead.”

It’s my turn to draw a deep breath. “Gee, thanks, Lauren,” I say on the exhale. “I can’t tell you how much I appreciate the pep talk.”

We both laugh. But our laughter is more than a little uneasy.

“I didn’t scare you off, did I?” she asks somewhat tentatively.

“Of course not.” My reply is automatic. But as we hang up I’m not completely sure whether she’s talking about a future in publishing or repairing our friendship.

Thirty-three

Kendra

The Sandcastle

I’m shocked at how decadent I’ve become. How wanton. How easily I fall into bed with Jake at the slightest urging. And how long we can stay there.

I’d forgotten that sex could be fun. That laughter and affection are aphrodisiacs. That the right look in the right man’s eyes could turn you back into someone you barely remember.

“You were beautiful at twenty, but you’re even more beautiful now,” he whispers as he lowers his body onto and then into mine. “I love making love to you.” He moves slowly to illustrate.

Our bodies are slick with sweat. I can’t think when I’m so swamped with pleasure, so I stop trying and just let myself feel.

Afterward we doze. When I awake curled up against him late-afternoon sun streams through the bedroom windows. I slip out of bed and pull on shorts and a T-shirt then carry a glass of iced tea out to the deck. As I do countless times every day I check my cell phone for a message from Lauren. Though I know there’s no use, I dial her number and when she doesn’t answer I leave her the same message I leave every day. “I love you and miss you. I hope you’ll call back soon.”

I’m setting the phone down when Jake wanders outside. Running shorts cling to his hips. His chest is bare. “Wow. Whoknew great sex could be so exhausting?” He drops a kiss on the top of my head.

I blush because I can’t help it. “I can’t remember the last time I took a nap on a weekday,” I say, avoiding an acknowledgment of what made us so tired. “I think you’re a bad influence on me.”

“It’s my pleasure.” His grin begins as wolfish, but turns into a yawn. He settles into the chair beside mine, props his bare feet on the railing, and folds his hands on an impressive set of abs. “We aim to please.”

“Yes, I noticed.” I feel my cheeks heat again. “I’m tempted to tell you to keep up the good work.”

He throws back his head and laughs. “Oh, I intend to.”

We both grin. Thanks to him, my limbs are loose. My body is exhausted in the best possible way. The only thing that’s not right with my world is the hurt I’ve caused our daughter and her refusal to forgive me.

He reaches for my hand. “I know that look. You’re thinking about Lauren.”

“Always.” The only thing that pushes her from my mind even briefly is when I lose myself with him. “I’m afraid if I leave it much longer we’ll never find our way back to each other. I’m going to have to take action.”

“What do you have in mind?”

“I’m not at all sure about the details. I just know I can’t give up. I need to be able to look her in the eye and explain my reasoning and intentions again as best as I can. That’s all that’s left to me and I have to do it. The hardest thing will be getting her to agree to see me. I’m afraid to give her another opportunity to say no.”

He nods.

---