Page 75 of 7 Days and 7 Nights

“So, I’m sitting there nodding my head like the rest of them, you know, just sort of blending in. And I’m thinking, okay, what can I do to get her to call this off.”

“Very good, Barry.”

Olivia could tell Matt was eating up every horrible word. All she could think of was the poor woman who was about to see her dreams blow up in her face.

“So I asked her younger sister to dance.”

“And this is grounds for calling off a wedding?”

“Not at first. But pretty soon I dance her onto the edge of the dance floor, right between our table and my future in-laws.”

“Yeah?”

“And I start whispering in her ear you know? All sensual like… telling her how hot she looks.”

Matt laughed, and Olivia heard gasps of horror play up full.

Encouraged, Barry continued. “And then, just to be sure there’s no mistake what’s going on, I grind my pelvis against her—a real Elvis number.”

“Jesus, Barry. What happened then?”

“Well, I can tell she’s getting ready to huff off the floor, and I’m afraid no one sees what’s happening, so I move in to plant a big kiss right on her lips while starting to move my hand down to her bottom...”

Matt remained silent.

“Then the sister screams and pushes me back, the place gets real quiet, and my fiancee storms over and throws the ring in my face.”

Barry sounded genuinely happy.

“Did everybody just stand around and watch, or what?”

“Not exactly.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I heard it turned into a real slugfest, but I wasn’t there for that part of it.”

“You just left?”

“No, not exactly.”

“So where were you?”

“In the back of a police car.”

“Gee, Barry,” said Matt. “This isn’t sounding like the cleanest escape I ever heard of.”

“Well, the charges were ultimately dropped.”

“Aw, Barry...”

“But you know, even now after losing my job and some pretty hefty legal fees, I remember all those silent men yearning to be free, and I count myself a lucky man.”

“There you have it, gentlemen, escapee number one. I would recommend keeping it legal but, there it is.”

A golf clap sound effect played as Matt went on, “Our next caller managed to make his escape without bloodshed, but his story, too, has some, uh, real ups and downs. We’ll hear from our next runaway groom in just a minute.”

Olivia spent the commercial break pacing. Matt had chosen a surefire winner for his final show. His audience was no doubt eating it up, just as Matt intended. But Olivia couldn’t stop thinking about Barry’s fiancee’s public humiliation, her rehearsal dinner a shambles, her sister traumatized, and her family’s money sunk in a wedding day that would never be. Who knew what horrible tale groom number two would have to tell.

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