Page 135 of Crocodile Tears

“Is there anything wrong?” she asked him afterwards. “You seem dark tonight… well, darker than usual.” She brushed a lock of hair away from his eyes.

“Solange, I need more money from your godfather. Could you talk to him for me?” he asked abruptly.

She sat up. “That’s it? You think you can come here whenever youlike and expect me to put out? Like I’m your whore for whatever you want at any given moment of time – croc, sex, or a favour from my godfather?”

“No, sorry, fuck no.” Sitting up, he stared at her. “It’s just I’m in some deep shit here, or I wouldn’t ask.”

“If you can’t get your design to work, then just tell my godfather that.” She turned her back on him and pulled on her bathrobe.

“He’ll end the project – he’s made that clear – but under the terms of our agreement he also gets to keep my design. I’ll end up with nothing.”

“I’m sorry, but do you really think my godfather will have an ounce of respect for you if you sendmeto ask him for more money? Seriously?”

“No.” He swung his legs over the side of the bed. “No, you’re right. He’ll cut me loose without another penny. I admire your godfather, but I’ve always known he’s a ruthless operator.”

“You do more than admire him. You have some stupid fantasy about impressing him, about seducing him with your work.”

“I want his respect, yes,” he admitted. “What’s wrong with that? I want to succeed, to be good at something, to do something right for a fucking change.” He lashed out with his foot and sent a nearby chair hurtling across the room.

“This is because of Charles,” Solange said quietly.

“What?”

“It’s because of Charles being your dad’s favourite – the great Olympic hero, the courageous one who pulled himself back up again after your reckless stupidity got him paralysed.”

“It’s not about Charles. Not every fucking thing in this world is about him.”

She sighed. “Your problem is that you’ve screwed up, but you still want your happy ending with some kind of father figure, whoever it is. George Tyler will do, if your own dad isn’t interested. You just want someone to pat you on the head and see some good in you. You should grow up, Alex, and stop looking for praise from older men.”

“Thanks, Solange, you’ve been a real help.” He began pulling on his clothes furiously.

“What are you going to do?” Solange tugged the sheet up to almost cover her face and peeped over it, as if she was scared of him.

“Like you said, I’m a bad boy – thanks for reminding me, sweetheart. I should never forget that – nobody else ever fucking will.” He grabbed his jacket and left, slamming the door behind him.

He went for a drive, as he always did when he wanted some time alone to think. He had another month to make the design work; he was sure he could do it if he could lay his hands on enough money.

His mind went back to Neil’s offer. Maybe it wasn’t exactly stealing… it was a loan, and one he could pay back in a few weeks once Tyler gave the green light to the project. What other choice did he have?

He returned to the flat to find Neil in the kitchen, eating breakfast.

“Let’s do it,” Alex said abruptly. “Let’s take the money.”

“Are you sure?”

“We’ll put it back. It’s not really stealing.”

“No, of course not.” Neil stood up and walked over to him. “See, I’m always here for you, Alex.”

“Yeah. Sure.”

“It can be the way it was before.” Neil kissed him softly on the lips. Alex stood there, frozen. “You need me, you see,” Neil said. “You always have, and you always will.”

Alex worked day and night on the new duck design for the final few weeks. He spent every single penny of the money Neil had “borrowed” for him, desperately willing the project to work, but still it felt like every stride forward was met by an equally big stride back.

He had made so many small alterations to the design that he could barely remember which iteration he was working on. Nothing fit together, and everything new that succeeded caused something else to go wrong. It was like water slipping through his fingers.

In the past, when he’d set his mind to something it had always come good. He couldn’t understand why this was failing.

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