Page 160 of Crocodile Tears

“You puzzle me.”

“That’s not an answer.”

“How can I know if I like you when I don’t know who you are?” he said helplessly. “You might be a murderer, or a victim, or something in between, but whatever you are, you’re not letting me or anyone else get close enough to see.”

Alexander gazed at him steadily, giving nothing away.

“Elliot didn’t have a clue, did he?” Josiah said, shaking his head. “You played at being his empty-headed IS, passing around the croc at his parties and posing sexily for his holopics. He didn’t know the real you at all, did he?”

Alexander shrugged. “Elliot wanted something specific, so that’s what I gave him. He didn’t need to know the real me – that would have destroyed the fantasy.”

“Must have been hard – pretending to be someone you’re not for so long.”

Alexander shrugged again. “You’re wrong about Charles,” he blurted suddenly. “He’s always been a wonderful brother. When I was expelled from various schools, he was there for me, and when I told him I like shagging boys as well as girls, he was supportive.”

“Why the hell wouldn’t he be? It didn’t reflect badly on him, and it cost him nothing.”

Alexander gazed at him blankly, as if that thought had never occurred to him. “Still, he was kind. Charles is always kind.”

“Of course he’s kind – he wants everyone to love him.”

“Most people think he’s a hero,” Alexander snapped, still staunchly defending his brother.

“Well, I’m not blinded by the legend of the great Olympic and Paralympic hero,” Josiah retorted.

Alexander blinked, looking completely startled.

“What?” Josiah demanded.

“Nothing. Just… I think I really needed to hear from someone who doesn’t believe the sun shines out of Charles’s arse, after finding out he didn’t save up the money to buy me. I love him, but yeah, that hurt. So, if that’s your impression of Charles – what did you think of my father?”

“I liked him. He lost his temper with me at one point, but there was something honest about him.”

“How was he?” It was almost a whisper.

“Not well,” he replied frankly. “He’s had a couple of strokes, and he’s frail.”

“My fault, I fear.”

Josiah had no reply for that.

“Why do you have a swing in your garden?” Alexander asked unexpectedly. “Do you have children?”

“No. The swing is old – it belonged to Peter when he was a child.”

Alexander went very still. “Peter – your husband?”

“Yes. This was his house. We lived here after we left the army.”

“And the dog in the photograph?”

“Hattie. Peter’s dog… then mine. She was the best dog in the world.”

“Ah – Hattie – the password you gave me.” Alexander smiled. “You know, if you got another dog you might be less lonely.”

“That’s ironic coming from you, because I’ve never seen anyone look lonelier than you do right now.”

Alexander swallowed hard, and Josiah wished he hadn’t said that.

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