Page 56 of Crocodile Tears

Alex woke to the pleasant sensation of a warm mouth wrapped around his cock. He sighed and stretched. He hadn’t ever asked Neil to creep into his bed to deliver sexual favours, but he decided to lie back and enjoy the blowjob, because it would be the last.

Today was graduation day. His father, delighted by his son’s first-class degree, had allowed them to stay on in the flat until after the ceremony, which meant that he’d been able to take advantage of all the end-of-term parties.

Soon, both he and Neil would start work at Lytton AV, but he didn’t expect their paths to cross much there. Neil would be working in the accounts department, but as the owner’s son, Alex’s role would be very different. He’d be earning his own money, and he could carve out the life he wanted without dragging Neil around like a lead weight.

He came with a satisfied moan, and Neil emerged from under the bed sheets, licking his lips and grinning. There had been times over the past three years when he’d wanted to wipe that stupid grin off Neil’s face with a well-placed punch, but today wasn’t one of them. Freedom beckoned, and he was in a good mood.

“Happy graduation day!” Neil declared, pressing a kiss to Alex’s lips.

“Ugh. Fuck off.” He twisted away.

“I got your suit ready last night – it’s been dry-cleaned and pressed. I’ve hung it up in your wardrobe.”

“Thanks.”

“Who’d have thought, three years ago, that this day would come, huh?” Neil rested his chin on Alex’s shoulder.

Alex reached for a cigarette and lit up, ignoring Neil’s huffy sigh of protest. “Yeah.” He took a deep drag.

“BA Hons. You with a first, and me with a 2:1.”

“Yeah.”

“We did well.”

“Yeah, we did.”

There was a long silence, during which Alex could practically hear the cogs whirring in Neil’s mind. He knew what was coming next, and what that particularly fine blowjob had been about.

“Alex… we’ve been happy, haven’t we?” Neil asked tentatively.

“Mmmm.”

“I’ve tried to make you happy.” Alex was all too familiar with the plaintive little whine in Neil’s voice. “And I was thinking – it’s time we told your father about our relationship.”

He deliberately blew a cloud of smoke into Neil’s face. “No,” he said curtly.

“Yes,” Neil insisted. “Come on, Alex – we’ve been together for three years. Your father should know about us.”

“Us?” He raised an eyebrow. “There is no ‘us’, Neil – there’s never been an ‘us’.”

Neil sat up. “You don’t mean that,” he said tightly. “You love me, Alex.”

“No, I really don’t. Look, Neil, we both knew this was a business arrangement, right from the start.”

“Business?” Neil stared at him. “How can you say that?”

“For fuck’s sake, Neil, our entire relationship is based on blackmail. You agreed not to tell my father about my drug habit, and I agreed to sleep with you. We both knew it was a temporary arrangement that would end when we left Oxford.”

“That’s not true,” Neil said stubbornly. “Maybe it was that way at first, but our relationship has grown into something more. You need me, Alex; you rely on me. Who else will look after you? Who’ll clear up after you, hold your head when you vomit, and get you to places on time? How do you think you survived three years here without the press ever finding you in the gutter high on croc, or sucking off some bloke in the bogs of a seedy bar? It was because of me. I shielded you, Alex. I protected you, I lied for you, and I made sure you stayed safe. You need me.”

“No, I don’t. Not anymore. I needed you to lie to my father, but I never needed you for the other shit – you just like doing it because of your pathological need to control every aspect of my life.” He slipped out of bed and reached for his bathrobe. “It’s over, Neil. You have your degree, and you had me for three fucking years. Quit while you’re ahead.” He wrapped the robe around his body and stubbed out his cigarette in the ashtray on the bedside table.

Neil clasped his knees to his chest, somehow managing to look like a vulnerable child instead of the solid, six-foot-one accountancy graduate that he was.

“I always thought I could make you love me,” he said sadly.

“Well, I don’t. I’m sorry. Don’t take it personally – I’ve never been in love with anyone.”

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