Page 86 of Crocodile Tears

“I never liked to ask,” Spencer said softly, looking endearingly coy again. “My girlfriend, she’s not… We don’t get much time alone, and I mean, well, I wouldn’t know how to ask her.”

“Your girlfriend?” Alex paused in the act of toying with Spencer’s left nipple. “You’ve got a girlfriend?”

“Yes, well, a fiancée really. We got engaged last month.”

“You’re engaged.” Pulling back, he looked into the young man’s guileless blue eyes. “Spencer, have you ever been with a man before?”

“Uh, no. No, I haven’t.” Spencer sat up, an anxious look on his face. “Why? I was okay, wasn’t I? I tried to be okay.”

“Yes, you were okay. You were more than okay. When you had your eyes closed, were you thinking about your girl?”

Spencer gave him an agonised look.

“It’s fine, you can be honest.”

“Well, I wanted to get hard as I didn’t want to disappoint you, so I… yes,” the lad admitted miserably. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologise. I asked for the truth.” Alex felt a tight ball of anxiety forming in the pit of his stomach. “Spencer…” He almost didn’t want to ask, afraid of the reply. “Did you want to come back here with me tonight? Did you want me touching you?”

“I…uh, I just… You wanted me. I’ve done four years at Lytton AV. In another year I’ll be eligible for an apartment, so I can move out of the dormitories and then Emily and me can get married. I can’t lose that. I don’t want my contract to be sold on. I could end up anywhere, and I can’t afford to pay back my signing fee to get out of my indenture.”

“You won’t. Your contract won’t be sold on, I promise. And now, you should go,” Alex said abruptly, standing up.

“Don’t you want me to… do something for you?” Spencer gestured vaguely in the direction of Alex’s groin, looking confused. “I mean, I might not be very good, but I can try.”

“No, that’s fine. Go back to your girl and don’t tell her about what happened here,” Alex said urgently. “Just be happy, and forget this ever happened. Okay?”

“Yes, sir.” Spencer stood up and rearranged his clothing. “I haven’t upset you, have I, sir? Um, sorry… Alex?”

“No, not at all,” he replied gently. “I’m sorry – I didn’t realise…” He paused, because that wasn’t a valid excuse. Heshouldhave realised. Spencer’s reality was so completely different from his own that it sounded ridiculous to plead ignorance.

He was so used to the easy sex he’d found at university, to the bright young things who’d fluttered in and out of his bed because theygenuinely wanted to sleep with him, that he’d forgotten how different it was out in the real world.

This man wore the Lytton AV ID tag, so Alex’s family pretty much owned him. Of course Spencer’s perception of Alex’s interest in him was completely different to his own intentions. That seemed obvious now, but he could have kicked himself for not realising it before.

“You should go now. I won’t trouble you again, I promise,” he said firmly.

“That’s okay. I mean, I didn’t mind. See, it was good.” Spencer reached out a hand towards his shoulder and then paused, as if he didn’t dare touch him. “I enjoyed it.” His eyes exuded shock as he spoke this truth.

Alex sighed. “Spencer, you’re not gay – I just have a talented mouth, okay? Don’t let any of this confuse you – you still love your girlfriend, and women still turn you on. I’m sorry that I didn’t pick up on the fact you were being my friend because of who I am and not because you genuinely desired me or my friendship. I’m really sorry about that.”

“I’m sorry, too. I thought you just wanted sex, so I should be obliging.”

“No, I wanted to make a new friend, too, but I made some wrong assumptions instead. It looks like we both got our wires crossed.”

“Yes. Sorry. Look, I don’t think wecanbe friends, to be honest,” Spencer admitted anxiously.

“No, I can see that now. My apologies. Forget about this.” Alex escorted him politely out of the bedroom and down the hallway.

“I’ll see you at work tomorrow then, um, Alex,” Spencer said, pausing awkwardly by the front door.

“Yes, of course – and I think you should call me ‘sir’ from now on, Spencer.”

A look of intense relief flooded Spencer’s face. “I’d much prefer that, sir – thank you.”

Alex shut the door behind him, but the tight knot of tension in his stomach remained. He made a run for the toilet but didn’t quite make it in time and vomited over his suit pants. Crawling the rest of the way to the toilet, he threw up again.

“Idiot. Stupid, fucking idiot,” he berated himself as he clutched the toilet bowl with his arms. The roiling sensation in his stomach overcame him again, and he spewed up some more. His head ached, so he rested it against the cool porcelain and tried to calm himself.

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