Page 116 of Fighting Spirit

He spits. “Seemed like they might be helpful.”

“Did you print these out?”

“No, a trained badger did it.”

“Don’t sass me.” I can feel myself getting hysterical, overwrought with too many competing feelings. It’s so sweet of him to do this, to make me feel at home this way. But the feeling of being soseen,of being so unable to hide anything from him, makes me feel vulnerable in a way I’m not sure I like.

“Hey, hey, look.” He runs his palms up and down my arms. “It’s not a big deal, it’s just printouts.”

“What if Trevor sees?”

“I promise you he will not give a single fuck.” His stare bores into me, and there’s nothing I can do to hide from it.

“But-”

“No.” He stops me. “Ruth, you gotta stop this. Nothing that helps you, nothing that makes your life easier to manage or run more smoothly or whatever the fuck it is you need, none of it is embarrassing or shameful. It kills me that you feel like you need to hide these parts of yourself. I wanna find out who it is that’s put this shit in your head and knock their God damn teeth in. You have a disability, there’s not a single thing wrong with that,and if you need these lists to help you, then I’ll turn them into my fuckin’ wallpaper, and nobody’s gonna say shit about it, not even you, you hear me?”

When I don’t say anything, he raises an eyebrow in an expression that I bet has the guys on the team quaking.

Yeah, definitely made for coaching.

“That was a lot.”

“And I fuckin’ mean it.” He grips my chin, tipping up my face. “Got it?”

“Got it,” I whisper.

Chapter Forty-Eight

ROWAN

The picture Ruth sends me almost puts me into a fuckin’ coma. Christ, what is she doing to me? I’m sitting in the locker room before the game; the overpowering smell of deodorant and adrenaline permeates the air so hard it’s making my eyes water, and on my screen is a selfie of Ruth, sitting on my bed, wearing my jersey. The fabric at her shoulder is slipping off slightly, revealing a strip of tanned skin and the hint of a green bra strap.

I want to bite my fist.

What the hell am I meant to do with this? I’m about to go into the game that’ll decide if we’re going into the conference finals, and all I want to do is get in my truck, drive back to Beaufort, and have my way with her.

Shit, things were a lot easier back when I wasn’t interested in sex. How does anyone get anything done?

“Who’s that?” Jasper asks as he flops down next to me, his mouth half-full of a protein bar.

Fuck. Panic stabs at me. I hit the lock button and stuff the device back into my pocket without thinking. Jasper raises an eyebrow as he takes a slow bite, his curiosity peaked.

“Anything you wanna tell me?” he says, a crumb coming loose and flying somewhere past my face.

I shift in my seat slightly, the words right on the tip of my tongue. It would be so easy to say, ‘this is my girlfriend, Ruth.’But even as I want to say it, wanting to make Ruth a part of my life, I can’t quite silence the part of my brain screaming that this isn’t the right time. We’re about to play the most important game of the season, and if I get into this now, it will only open up a world of questions. Why didn’t I say something sooner? Where did we meet? What the fuck am I doing seeing someone so closely connected to the team that we’ve hated for so long?

Jed’s only been back from his suspension for a month, and half the team is still on probation because of what happened. I don’t think they’ll take it well that I’m dating the girl who reported them, even if it was all entirely their fault.

Soon. Soon, I’ll figure out the right time, the right way, and I’ll tell the guys everything. Even if it makes me a coward, even if I hate myself as I say it, I can’t bring myself to shatter what already feels like a tenuous kind of camaraderie.

“Rowan?” he draws the word out, my silence only fueling his shit-eating grin.

I almost tell him it’s nobody. But I can’t do it. I can’t deny her, not when she’s fuckin’ everything to me.

“Someone I’m hanging out with.” The words taste bitter in my mouth. I just need to buy myself some more time, and maybe then I can figure out how to dig myself out of the hole I’m in.

“She’s hot.” He knocks his shoulder against mine and I want to bare my teeth at him. I’ve never had a possessive streak before, but something about Ruth makes me want to tuck her away in my apartment and hoard her like a dragon.

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