Page 127 of Fighting Spirit

“Why?” She pins me with a hard glare. “Seriously, please explain exactly what I did wrong because I have no clue.”

All the fight goes out of me as she speaks. She’s right, she hasn’t done anything. I’m just taking it out on her because she’s here, and because it’s easier than trying to process the events of tonight.

“I don’t know,” I whisper.

“I mean, what happened? You came home all freaked out and then you freaked out more and left! I’ve been so worried. I haven’t heard from you in days.”

“Were you? It’s not like you called?”

“I texted and you didn’t reply. I figured you needed space.”

“Well, you gave me plenty of that,” I scoff.

“Look, we’re both adults. I’m not gonna chase around after you. I knew you were with Rowan and I assumed you’d come back when you were ready.”

“You really hurt me, Georgie,” I say pitifully.

“By having other friends?” She looks bewildered. “Does that really make me the bad guy?”

I take a drink of my tea and notice the familiar taste of just the right amount of honey.

“I guess,” I pause, fighting the bile that wants to surface. “It made me feel like I’m your last pick of friend.”

I just want, one time in my life, to be at the top of somebody’s list. I thought I’d found that with Georgie, and learning that I was wrong kind of crushed me.

“It’s not a pecking order, Ruth.”

“I know,” I sigh.

“Sometimes I feel like you don’t want me to spend time with other people.”

“That’s not it.” I wince at her assessment. “I just get the impression some of the time that you don’t want me around.”

“You said that I was your best friend.” I don’t miss how she changes the subject. It feels like a shard of ice in my gut. “Is that really how you feel?”

“Yes,” I say without hesitation. “I guess I thought that you felt the same way. That night was kind of a reality check.”

“I care about you so much, but I think we’ve maybe got different expectations about our relationship.”

“I thought that you were my ride-or-die, so finding out that you don’t feel the same was pretty devastating.”

She leans back, rubbing her hands over her eyes. “I don’t know how to have this conversation without sounding like a bitch.”

“You’re not a bitch,” I reassure her. “You’re right, we’ve got a big gap in where we stand.”

“It’s not that I don’t like you, I really love you, Ruth.” I try to steady myself for thebutthat’s coming. “But I have a whole life outside of this friendship and sometimes I feel like maybe…” She trails off.

“Like maybe I don’t?” I finish.

“Yeah.”

The silence descends heavy like a blanket. It’s hard not to cry as I realize how wrong I’ve got things.

Georgie starts again. “I’ve always tried to include you-”

“I know.” I nod. “It’s not you I’m upset with.”

“I’m still so lost about what happened when you got back that night.”

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