Page 130 of Fighting Spirit

“Yeah,” Jed adds with a roll of his eyes, “you’re a fucking teddy bear.”

“But it’s literally all you talk to me about.”

“It’s all any of us are thinking about!” Christian exclaims. “I can’t even remember a time when any of us had a conversation that wasn’t football-related. This is our year, man. None of us has anything else going on.”

I sit back, trying to let their words sink in. Maybe I’ve been looking for signs that weren’t there, trying to prove my own point, and in doing so, I’ve turned my worst fear into a self-fulfilling prophecy. I thought that it was them pulling away, but what if I’m just as much to blame? I don’t know how to unpack what they’re saying, to think that I’ve let my anxieties sabotage my final year with the guys.

Maybe that’s just my problem. Maybe I’ve been so focused on the worst possible outcome that I end up creating it. In every part of my life I’ve been ruled by fear, and look where it’s got me.

“Is this why you’ve been such an asshole?” Jed asks.

A sigh comes from my left. “I think I might have something to do with that.”

I turn to meet Taylor’s apologetic stare. I’m about to tell him to shut his mouth, that there’s no point bringing up Ruth when there’s nothing to tell anymore. My instinct is screaming that this’ll only cause problems and shatter the fragile bridge we’re building. But I think by now, I’ve proved that my instincts are total shit. Besides, what else have I got to lose?

I decide right here that I’m done hiding Ruth. Even if she’s done with me, that doesn’t change the fact that I’m completely in love with her and I’m fuckin’ proud to be. If the guys have a problem with that then so be it, but the lying stops now.

I’ve been scared too long, and looks what it’s cost me.

I look around at the curious expressions eyeing me up and sigh. “Taylor saw me with Ruth.”

“Okay?” Darius asks after a pause, “should we know who that is?”

“She’s, uh-” I cough. “She’s the Allbreck mascot.”

“Gunther?” Christian exclaims.

“And when you say ‘together,’ you mean…” Jasper questions.

“She’s, well, she was, my girlfriend.”

You could hear a pin drop with how silent things turn.

Christian is the one to break it. “Shit.”

“Oh fuck.” Jed covers his face with his hands. I had expected them to be pissed, but he looks…afraid? “I kidnapped your girlfriend? Fuck dude, I had no idea.” He holds out his hands pleadingly and I almost laugh. “Am I about to die?”

I shuffle in the chair as I take in the guys. There’s no anger, no judgement. Only confusion. Confusion and Jed looking almost as green as the turf.

“Jesus.” I frown. “Chill out, no. We weren’t even together then.”

“Oh, thank God.” He visibly deflates.

“You guys aren’t mad?”

“Why would we be mad?” asks Taylor. “You guys seemed cute together.”

“I mean-” I raise my eyebrows. “I’m kind of dating the enemy, or whatever.”

Darius snorts. “You think we give a shit about that?”

“Dude, obviously we fucking hate Allbreck, but that’s just on the field. It’s nothing personal.” Christian frowns, his stare going right through me. “Did you really think that we’d be assholes about it?”

“I definitely would have been an asshole about it,” Jed adds with a smirk, “but I’m an asshole about everything.”

“She got you suspended.”

“Igot me suspended.” He frowns. “And trust me, I’m done with all that bullshit.”

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