Page 53 of Fighting Spirit

“I’m fuckin’ not.” Embarrassment claws at me.

“You are!”

I move to stand up. “I’m taking you home.”

“No!” She grabs my elbow with both hands, tugging me back down. My shoulder brushes hers where I’m closer than before. “I’m done, I promise.”

I shoot her a look that says how little I believe her.

“I swear.”

“You better be.”

Her fingers knot in her lap, and I catch the small smile that lingers on her lips.

A flicker of curiosity sparks. “Do you know that from experience?”

“That people come here to hook up?” She raises her eyebrow and I nod. “Why do you want to know?”

I shrug, not sure I have an answer. “You don’t have to tell me.”

Her gaze flickers around my face, looking for what I can’t tell. “No, not experience.”

“Ok.”

“Does that make you happy?” Her voice is lower, softer, full of something I can’t quite put my finger on. A little vulnerable, but steady nonetheless. “What are we doing here, Rowan?”

“I don’t know.” She leans towards me and I tense, hoping she doesn’t see it. I can hardly think with the great bigsomethingswirling around us. Maybe it was stupid, bringing her up here. There’s obviously something between us, I just have idea what that thing is. She’s my friend, I care about her. But anything more than that feels like a fog I can’t find my way through, and maybe that’s for the best. Nothing can happen between us, for a hundred reasons.

For once, my near-constant confusion about my own feelings doesn’t feel so much like a challenge, it feels like a shield.

“Yes, you do.” Ruth murmurs.

“I just needed to get away,” I finally admit. “Stuff back there, it’s…a lot.” I reach up to scratch at my neck, but my hand doesn’t make it. Ruth’s is wrapped around it, stopping the movement as she grips my fingers between her palms.

“And you needed me for that.”

I’m silent, taking in every inch of her face. Those green eyes and that hair that I’ve never seen in a state that wasn’t wild and unruly. It’s like the space around us has gone silent, the breeze has settled, and the low sounds coming from the nearby road can’t be heard as I just stare at her. I don’t know what’s going on here, but I just know that for the first time in a while, I feel…okay. “Yeah. I guess so.”

The feeling settles around me, something warm and comforting like nothing can shatter the peace I’m feeling right now.

And then Ruth’s mouth is on mine.

Chapter Twenty-Four

RUTH

It takes a couple seconds before I realize Rowan’s not kissing me back.

During those seconds, I learn how soft his lips are, how good he smells, the way that his eyelashes tickle the bridge of my nose. But it all comes crashing down as I jerk back, seeing his stunned expression. My heart starts pounding out of my chest, embarrassment flooding my system in such a violent wave that my fingers start to go numb.

“Oh God, Rowan. I’m-I, uh-shit,” I start babbling, scrambling backward. I almost fall onto the gravel again, but strong hands wrap around my forearms, keeping me in place. I steady myself and shake off his touch, too humiliated to even look at him.

What the fuck was I thinking? I just kissed him! Like a selfish, impulsive idiot, I just blew up the friendship I was starting to really fucking care about.

“Ruth, it’s fine, I just-”

“No, God, Rowan. I’m so-”

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