Page 57 of Fighting Spirit

I must look completely pathetic because Trevor takes a long look at me and sighs. “Now I feel bad for making fun of you.”

“That’s a first.”

“Well, usually my mockery is justified.”

I just huff at him, going back to picking at my hands.

“I thought you just had your head up your ass. I didn’t realize there was all this…” He waves his hand in my direction. “Turmoil.”

Turmoil’s fuckin’ right. My head is so screwed up I barely know what day it is.

“Did you tell her about…” He trails off.

“No.” My answer is firm. It’s not that I don’t want to, I’m just careful who I let into my life in that way. I’ve been burned before by people who judge me, who think I’m less of a man or whatever bullshit. People take one look at me, they find out I’m a football player and they get this image of how I should act, but I’ve never been that guy.

“Do you think that she wouldn’t be cool about it?”

“No?” It comes out more like a question. “It might not even end up being relevant.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, I don’t even know if she’s gonna stick around. There might be no point bringing it up.”

“You really think you screwed it that bad?” His mouth twitches as he tries to suppress the smirk.

“I think I really upset her,” I mumble.

“That’s not on you, Ro.” He leans forward, pinning me with his stare. “She kissed you, you pulled away. What the hell is wrong with that?”

“I just-”

He cuts me off. “If the roles were reversed, would you be saying all this? No.”

“I guess…” I’m grumbling, but I know he’s right. One of my favorite things about the guy is how fast he can switch from giving me shit to talking sense into me. But I still don’t like the idea that Ruth has gone home embarrassed.

He tilts his chin down, hitting me with a searching stare. I dread to know what’s about to come out of his mouth.

“You ever think you’re not sure how you feel because you’re not letting yourself think about it?”

I frown, waiting for him to continue.

“I mean, you’ve been hesitant about getting involved with her.”

“Well, yeah?”

Trevor runs a hand through his scruffy blond hair. “Look me in the eye and tell me this has nothing to do with the team.”

I want to tell him he’s wrong, that my feelings are mine alone and aren’t anybody else’s business, but it’d be a lie.

“I can’t go there,” I sigh.

“Why the fuck not?” He throws his hands up, dramatic as ever. “They don’t get a say!”

I wish he was right, but he just doesn’t get it. “After everything with Simmons, we can’t have any kind of scandal.”

“What fucking scandal? You’re a guy in college who has a crush on a girl.”

“And let’s play that out, say we do start something. Next year, I’ll be on staff, and she’ll still be a student. It won’t look good.”

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