Page 87 of Fighting Spirit

Another pause. I’m about to say something to settle him when he loops an arm under my knees and tugs. The breath huffs out of me with a shocked laugh as I’m suddenly staring up at the ceiling, flat on my back from where he’s pulled me down the bed.

“You know, I’m feeling a little manhandled over here.” I chuckle in mock indignation.

“Do you mind?” He positions himself next to me, propped up on an elbow, the length of him running parallel to my body.

“I suppose not.”

“Then I guess I’ll keep…” he pauses, frowning like doesn’t know how to finish the sentence, “handling you.” The final words come out slowly, his face twisting into a cringe.

“Will you now?” I deadpan.

He buries his face in the pillow. “That sounded smoother in my head.”

I chuckle as I roll onto my side to face him, letting him off the hook. “What did you wanna tell me?”

“It’s a little embarrassing,” he sighs.

I tilt my head, cooing a little. “Is it herpes?”

The laugh that comes out of him is so loud, so unlike him that I panic a bit and throw myself half on top of him to try and cover his mouth. “Shh,” I hiss. “You’ll wake up Georgie!”

“There’s no way she’s asleep.” His hands circle my wrists as he tries to wrestle me off.

“That’s worse!” I squeal. “She’ll hear us!”

“I really don’t think that’s my problem,” he growls as he flips us. Suddenly, he’s on all fours, hovering over me, and my breath halts in my throat. “If you don’t want her to hear us.” I feel his nose brush against the skin below my ear. “Then that’s on you, sweetheart.”

“I feel like you’re stalling,” I rasp.

“Let me.”

“No.”

He grumbles and I can’t help but grin. God, I’m so gone for this guy.

“It’s just that…” His eyes close like he’s in pain before he rushes out, “I haven’t actually done this before.”

Well. That wasn’t what I’d thought he was going to say, but my mind sticks on what he said before. “Why would that be embarrassing?”

“I guess people just assume that because I’m a guy, and I play football.” He considers his next words. “And I’m, you know…”

“Ridiculously attractive?” I offer.

He splutters, “I mean-you know, I just look a certain way.”

“A really hot kind of way.”

He tucks his face into my hair, giving me more of his weight. The pressure is grounding, soothing, as it presses me into the mattress.

“I feel like I’m expected to be that guy, but it’s just never been who I am, you know?”

My heart hurts that he’s felt like he has to play a role for so long. I know how hard it can be to try and hide the delicate parts of yourself, and the thought of Rowan going through that just about breaks my heart.

“You don’t have to be anything with me,” I whisper.

“I know.” The words are simple, but they hit me right in the chest.

“Can I ask why you haven’t?” I press a quick kiss to his temple. “You don’t have to tell me. I’d just like to understand.”

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