Page 90 of Fighting Spirit

“No, you’re not,” I groan as I roll over in his arms. He doesn’t release me, instead tightening his hold and pulling me until I’m half on top of him, head on his chest and our legs tangled together under the comforter.

A deep contentment settles into my bones as we lay there. It’s like our heartbeats sync up, and we turn into one animal. Rowan’s fingertips trail across my skin, drawing gentle lines between my freckles. I realize I have nothing to say. I’m always trying to fill the silence, my brain going in a hundred different directions at once so I’m constantly playing catch up. But here, with him, I can be quiet.

“Are you gonna tackle me if I try and use your bathroom again?” he says, his stubble tickling my shoulder.

I stiffen. I didn’t know Rowan was coming, so it never occurred to me to hide the charts I still have tacked up. Marshall’s words ring through my head ‘like kindergarten’and I flush red at the thought of Rowan seeing them.

“No?” I squeak.

“I don’t care if it’s a mess. I really have to pee.” He starts to scoot back in the bed, and I panic, my hand latching onto his forearm in an attempt to stop him.

“Wait, give me a second.” I dart out of bed and race toward the slightly open door. “I’m gonna go first!”

Rowan’s suddenly stood in front of the door with a face like he’s about to tackle me to the ground.Damn football players.“What is this?”

“Nothing!” I know I sound hysterical. “I have to go.”

“You’re full of shit. Tell me what’s happening.” His eyes are wide, his dark eyebrows knit together as he stares down at me with an expression that’s half confusion, half distress. I know I’m freaking him out and I hate it, but the thought of having to explain the charts kind of makes me want to throw up in my mouth.

I take possibly the least rational course of action, and try to make a break for it. I make it about two steps before he catches me around the waist and throws me back onto the mattress. All the air escapes my lungs as I gasp in surprise. I try to get back up, but he’s leaning over me, arms braced on either side of my head so that I’m effectively caged in. This would be kind of hot if I weren’t about to crawl out of my skin.

“Explain,” he orders.

“There’s nothing to explain!”

“Don’t bullshit me.”

“I’m not. Rowan, this is ridiculous.” I squirm a little, trying to get out from under him, but he presses a knee between my legs to stop me from rolling.

“Stop giving me that. I’m not buying it.” He leans down further into my space.

“Do you not trust me?” I plead, knowing it’s a dirty move.

His face softens. “Of course I trust you.”

“Then leave it.”

“I’m worried about you.”

Well, shit. His eyes are so earnest that any further protests catch in my throat.

“You don’t need to worry,” I whisper.

“Then tell me what’s in there because I’m kind of freaking out.”

“I just-”

“Or at least tell me why I can’t see it.”

“It’s embarrassing.” I look away, unable to meet his eyes as I say it.

“You’ve met Trevor,” he says as he moves off me, opting to sit next to me on the bed. “I have a pretty high threshold for embarrassing behavior.”

I say nothing. I know I’m being unreasonable. I’m well aware that Rowan wouldn’t say anything mean about my ADHD; he probably wouldn’t even comment. But I can’t stop hearing the comments from Marshall, or my mom telling me to stop using my disorder as an ‘excuse.’ My whole life I’ve been told that this is something I need to hide, that if I just try harder I can overcome it, that it’s my attitude that’s holding me back.

I’ve spent a long time trying to unlearn everything I thought I knew, but I’ve not made it all the way. It took me six months to tell Georgie, and we were living together, so it was pretty obvious. She hadn’t been especially surprised when I’dfinally come clean, but even now, she doesn’t always seem to understand that when I forget stuff, it’s not from a lack of caring.

“Okay,” he sighs, falling back until he’s lying beside me. He picks up my hand and presses a kiss to it before placing it on his chest. I melt as his thumb brushes back and forth across it. “I really do have to pee, though, so go hide whatever it is because I’m not about to knock on your roommate’s door.”

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