Page 92 of Fighting Spirit

“I wasn’t afraid, per se…”

“You nearly put me in a chokehold when I tried to go in there,” he says flatly.

“I mostly keep it to myself. People can kinda be assholes about it.”

His face darkens, and I think for a second that he’s about to leap off into the night to find anyone who’s ever been mean to me and beat the shit out of them. He presses his lips to my hair and takes a few long breaths. “I’m sorry that happened.”

“It’s just made me a little cautious.”

“You don’t need to worry with me.”

“No?”

“Of course not, I really don’t care.” He wrinkles his nose. “I mean, Icare, but like, I don’t care, you know?”

“I don’t know if I do.” I giggle, flustered Rowan is probably my favorite. He’s definitely the cutest, especially when the tips of his ears turn red.

“I’m really fuckin’ this up, aren’t I?”

“It’s not your best work.”

“Is there anything I can do to be helpful?” he asks.

I think for a second. I don’t think anybody’s ever asked that before. “Patience, I think?”

“Nothing else?”

“I don’t think so. I just need a bit more understanding, more time with things.”

“Well, that’s easy.” He starts walking us backward toward the bed. “If you think of anything else, you tell me, okay?”

“Sure,” I sigh as we lie back down. He immediately pulls me into him. As we get settled, something springs to mind. “Actually, there is one thing.”

“Shoot.”

I take in a breath so deep my chest aches with the force of it. “Have you heard of rejection-sensitive dysphoria?”

Rowan rolls so that he’s leaning over me. “No?”

I psyche myself up to explain, knowing I’m about to open the part of myself I’m the most insecure about. “It’s basically-um, okay, so it’s essentially that if I feel rejected, even if it’s a really tiny thing, I kind of spiral.”

“Okay?”

“Like, I just get really in my head about it. What’s wrong with me? Did I do something? It turns into a whole thing and I find it hard to stop.”

It feels like he’s looking right into me as he takes in what I’m saying. “Is that what happened after you kissed me?”

My cheeks start burning. I had really been hoping he wasn’t going to bring this up. “I thought we agreed to never talk about that again,” I groan. I try to roll away and hide my face in the covers but he doesn’t let me get far.

“We’re not going to, it just helps me understand a bit better.”

“I don’t think I had an unreasonable reaction to that. It was basically the worst day of my life.”

“It wasn’t that bad.” He chuckles.

“You said we weren’t gonna talk about it!”

“We’re not, we’re not.” He pulls the covers up over my head. “I didn’t say anything. Go to sleep.”

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