Page 32 of Teach Me K-Pop

if you’d just let me hold your heart,

maybe you’d see the way I could love you

The connection seems crystal clear now. Maybe there hasn’t been anyone else because I was just waiting for him.

“Is that too much?” He sounds worried, probably from the time I’ve been silent.

“No.” I shake my head. “That’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever heard, and I just needed a moment to take it in.” If this is how it is now—how it’s going to be, when he opens up—I fear I am not prepared.

“Oh.” I get a hint of a smile, then he says, “This is all new for me. I have not felt this way about someone before.”

“Me neither,” I assure him. “Not like this. Never like this.“

He twiddles with one of his dangly earrings. “I was so young when I started with the group. I wanted to do this so badly it was the only thing I thought about. There are… rules? Yes. Rules about us not dating for a number of years when we debut, but there is also no time. Some people try. It does not last long. I never did.”

His eyes drop for a second, but when he brings them back up and gives me a look that’s so shy and endearing I actually start to reach toward the screen. But I don’t say anything; I won’t interrupt him. I want to hear everything he has to say.

“I did not have a kiss until I was 19. And only then because I was complaining to one of the members, and they asked if I wanted to try.” His cheeks flush, like he’s embarrassed, and a wave of affection for him hits me so strongly it could probably knock me out of my chair.

“You know that doesn’t matter, right? What you have or haven’t done. There’s time for all those things.”

I want to tell him that the right person won’t care about any of that and will be happy to figure it all out together. But I also want that person to be me. I don’t know how it would be possible, but right now, that seems like the least of my concerns. I just need this beautiful boy to know that he’s perfect, and someone will be so lucky to have him in every way.

“Gamsahamnida,” he murmurs.

We both laugh simultaneously at the sudden use of Korean to thank me. He seems surprised it slipped out, but I think it’s adorable.

“Seriously, though. Experience isn’t important to someone who cares about you, Nikko.” The hopeful expression on his face makes my heart ache. “I wish I could hug you right now.” Hug. Hold. Kiss. Touch. All of it. I want everything.

“I wish that, too.” He adjusts his beanie again, smirks a bit. “I think about it sometimes. Not only that.”

My jaw drops at what it sounds like he’s insinuating. If he means that he’s thought about me—about us—in a physical way. As much as I want to ask for more detail, I’m not sure I can handle it right now.

Somehow even with my brain trying to process this new and potentially scintillating information, I notice we have a guest before Nikko does. One of the other members literally dances into the frame behind him, earbuds visible as he clutches his phone in his hand. Unsurprisingly, his fancy footwork seems to require him to pause within direct eyeline of Nikko’s computer.

“Oh my god,” Nikko groans as soon as he sees him. “I knew this would happen.”

I’m biting my lip trying not to laugh. The guy has on a Dodgers ball cap, a Yankees jersey, and what appears to be cut-off sweatpants with his sneakers. Based on the limited knowledge I have of the rest of the group, I guess, “Tang?”

Nikko nods. “Yes.”

Despite Tang’s continued dancing, which is both extremely impressive and quite entertaining to watch, he reminds me of my mother attempting to sneakily peek out the kitchen window when I’d been dropped off from a date in high school. My potential suitor had been just about to lean in to kiss me when he’d caught sight of her and then decided to bolt. I’d turned around to see her sheepishly pulling the curtains closed before I’d gone stomping inside and up to my bedroom.

Tang’s not even sort of subtle as he stares at Nikko’s screen, obviously spying on us and squinting like he’s trying to ascertain as much about me as he can to report back to the others. It makes me wonder what they know about me. What Nikko might have told them.

I wave and he seems shocked, as though he thought I wouldn’t catch on to what he was doing. He gives me a quick peace sign and pulls out an earbud, telling Nikko he’s really late for whatever is next on their schedule.

Glancing at the clock, I realize we are well past our usual allotted time. Truthfully, I’d have sat here all night, hanging on Nikko’s every word if we’d been able to.

“I am sorry,” he says to me, then stands up and shoos Tang out of the room by telling him he’ll be right there.

I shake my head. “No, go. We’ll talk soon. Whenever you want to.”

Nikko leans down close to the camera, smiling. “I always want to talk to you.”

Even with everything that’s happened today, it still takes my breath away. “Me, too. Go be famous. I’ll be here.”

He winks at me and ends the call.

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