Page 33 of Teach Me K-Pop

I collapse back into my chair and briefly consider just letting myself slide off of it into a heap on the floor. I feel like I’m made of jelly, like I’ve been squeezed tight and left squishy and boneless by the rollercoaster of emotions from the talk we’ve had.

There are several things that I know for sure now, that I am definitely going to need to take some time to wrap my head around.

Nikko likes me. Is attracted to me. Would date me.

Nikko knows that I feel the same way.

This is all brand new to him.

Kinda feel like this is all brand new to me, too.

He’s inexperienced. Never really been kissed. A virgin.

I really like the idea of being his first(s).

I have no idea what to do with any of this.

I hope Noel is ready for a long, long walk.

CHAPTER TEN

JASE

Sitting on the edge of my desk, I look again at the messages from Nikko that just came in. One telling me he has time to talk this afternoon if I’m available (for him, of course) and another asking if he remembers the city that I live in correctly (he does).

I don’t have nearly enough time to contemplate what either of these things might mean before there’s a group of the library crew kids walking through my office door, sniffing around for food.

“Hey Mr. K, I’ve got some new playlists; you want to see?” Quinn inquires without really giving me time to answer as she holds up her phone, so I can see the titles.

After a quick glance I let her know that “general but very specific angst” is my favorite, followed closely by “worst year of your life, director’s cut.” She nods as though that was to be expected, then quickly hurries off to sit with Alyx, who found the bag of cheese puffs I’d added to the Emergency Snack Supplies Stash earlier.

I turn my attention back to Nikko’s texts and wonder if this is a thing we do now. Can I send him a “good morning” message just because I was thinking of him when I woke up? Would “sweet dreams” be weird when I get into bed at night and he’s still on my mind? I’m old school enough that I still prefer talking to texting—much to the chagrin of nearly everyone I know—but I think it might be kind of fun to have another way to communicate with Nikko on the regular.

Looking out over the library, I notice that Jenny, Rae, and Lizzie have gathered around the table with Alyx and Quinn, giggling as they scarf down the cheese puffs and document their mid-morning nosh with a few orange-fingered selfies. It occurs to me that I could share more of myself with Nikko this way, too—let him in on some of what my days look like when we’re not talking. I take a picture of my office and go behind the circulation desk to get a shot of the whole of the library, careful not to include any of the students or Brenda.

“You better have gotten my good side.”

I’m surprised by her comment, having assumed she was ignoring me like she usually does. I give her the sweetest smile I can manage. “All your sides are good.”

She snorts with derision and goes back to stamping the stack of books piled up across her desk as I retreat to the safety of my office.

Typing out a reply, I tell Nikko I’ll let him know when I’m home to see if he’s free and confirm my location. After a moment of debate, I also send the pictures with the caption “currently” because I cannot think of a single clever thing to say. I almost immediately regret the decision, thinking I should have waited until I could come up with something quippy or clever to say.

But before I can set my phone down and walk back out, I’ve got a ping and I just know it’s him.

“Your library! I have always wondered what it looks like. Thank you for showing me.”

He’s wondered about what the library looks like? The simple statement catches me off-guard. I know that we’ve said things—admitted that this isn’t just professional and platonic anymore—but I don’t think I’ve really let myself delve into what that might mean. Hedidconfess to worrying about missing dance steps because I was on his mind. It’s wild to even imagine that with all he’s got going on and what he does every day, that somehow I would cross his thoughts. To acknowledge that maybe it’s been the same for him as it has been for me—curiosity about life outside of our screen time together.

A few seconds later, another message comes through: “me right now.” It’s a shot of Nikko sprawled out on the floor, face flushed, hair damp, and clothes sweaty. There’s another member crumpled in a heap next to him and someone leaning against the wall chugging what appears to be a neon sports electrolyte drink in the background. I assume they are at a dance practice.

I should probably focus on the effort that he’s putting in and how hard they’re all working. But I can’t help thinking about what other situations might have him in a similar state. I bite my lip as the temperature in the room seems to rise.

“Ahem.”

My eyes snap up toward Brenda, as she peers through my doorway with the judgiest expression I’ve ever seen on her face, which is really saying something.

I can’t look at her for the rest of the day.

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