Page 45 of Teach Me K-Pop

He gasps, a sharp intake of breath that he all but steals from my mouth, as close as we are. I can’t help but wrap my arms around him tighter. “Nik-ko. You… We…”

The fact that he can’t put words together enough to protest makes me giddy. I’m sure I know what he’s trying to say—that we can’t, weshouldn’tdo this here. He’s right, of course, but I find that I have zero urge to stop what I’m doing, swiveling in a lazy kind of figure eight pattern that has my heart pounding from such little exertion.

“Nikko. No…” Jase murmurs, voice tinged with regret, his fingertips pressed firmly into my hips to stop me.

His grip has me practically choking on his name. I want to feel him grasping me with intention, his hands on my thighs as he lays me out for him. I let out a soft, embarrassing whine and drop my forehead to his shoulder. “But I want you,” I whisper into the fabric of his shirt.

“I want you, too. Fuck, you have no idea, Nikko. But not here, not like this. I don’t want the first time I see you come to be out on this random rooftop with your security guard fifteen feet away,” he tells me, before pressing a soft kiss to the side of my neck.

I turn to look at him, grateful he’s mindful enough to stop me—that he cares about the experiences we share being free from regrets. I can feel his affection for me in everything he says and does, how he touches me, and the warmth in his gaze every time he looks at me. But that does not make it easier for me to hold still, to try to tamp down the desire to keep moving against him until I’m shuddering, making a mess of us both, especially when he says things like that, like he wants to watch me. I groan in agreement and force myself to sit back up, face to face with him.

Jase raises one hand to skim his knuckles along the line of my jaw and down my throat. It is sensual without being too sexy—a comfort, not a seduction. “We have time for everything. We’ll get there. But not here, not tonight. I just want to be with you now, okay?” He leans in for a soft, sweet kiss. “Be with me, Nikko.“

I nod and kiss him again. I want that, too. Whatever it means, whatever it looks like. I will take it. “I am with you, Jase.”

CHAPTER THIRTEEn

JASE

We look good together.

I’ve flipped back and forth between the pictures a thousand times since last night, and that’s the first thing that comes to mind every time. I keep scanning them as if it’s possible for me to pick a favorite, even though they’re all kind of perfect because of the person in them with me.

There are five shots in total, including a series of four selfies in a row with varying degrees of silliness. Nikko is all big smiles and goofy expressions, completely beautiful even with his face scrunched up and smooshed against mine. The last of the four is just us, leaning in, temples touching, with matching soft, besotted grins from gazing at ourselves on the screen together before I’d finally thought to click the button to capture the moment.

We are such opposites—me all pale and blond and blue-eyed, his skin like golden honey and those dark, starry eyes and black hair, but it works somehow. Looks good. Looks right.

The fifth photo, though, is my favorite. One of those shots I never thought I’d have of myself. Never thought I’d want, since I cringe when I see other couples post them. It’s slightly out of focus and tilted at an odd angle because we’d both been blindly fumbling with my phone, randomly tapping around the screen with our eyes closed, too lost in kissing each other to try to get it just right.

But this—I feel like it’s art. Staring at it now, in the middle of this hotel lobby while I wait for Nikko to let me know he’s in his room, I’m surprised it’s me. I don’t want to say that it doesn’t seem like it’s me, but it really kind of doesn’t. How am I seeing this—myself, my whole world narrowed down to his lips against mine? His hand is on my neck, my own fingers cradling his jaw, both barely noticeable on the other side of our faces, but the warmth of that touch still lingers.

For about one second, I consider making the photo my lock screen. I realize immediately that I can’t, no matter how much I might want it to be what greets me every time I pick up my phone. There’s too much risk that someone else might see, and I know that can’t happen. I probably need to get one of those secret folder vaults I hear the kids at school talk about, so I can password protect it or lock it up somehow. I know they use them for all their nudes and other things I wish I didn’t hear about, but here I am, needing to hide away something that’s barely PG.

It hits me all at once that this is how it would always be with him. Whatever we have will always be a separate part of my life. I won’t be able to share my stories or my excitement with anyone besides Kija.

Before I have a chance to spiral too hard, a text pops up with only a room number. I’m out of my chair immediately, already having forgotten what I just read in my hurry to get to the elevators and be wherever he is.

Once I’ve pushed the button and am now zipping up to the correct floor, I find myself smiling at my own reflection in the gold-toned doors. I’m eager to see him again. Even if we have to stay sitting a respectable distance apart, with the security chaperones hovering nearby, it’s justniceto be with him. I’d told Kija before that I’d never felt this way about anyone, and I didn’t even know how true that really was when I said it. I knew everything about this—everything about him—was different, but I hadn’t fully understood the extent until we were together. The idea of being close to him again makes me so happy, even though I just saw him a few hours ago.

Earlier, I’d joined the members for a late pre-rehearsal lunch in one of the ballrooms at the hotel. It seemed like all of Nikko’s brothers had given their approval to my presence in some way. That made me feel good about everything—especially seeing the way Nikko responded, becoming a little more confident in light of each of them.

The group viewing of the video that Chita had captured of Nikko and I seeing each other the first time had become something of a bonding experience, too. Everyone cooing and fussing over how smitten and dreamy we both looked. Nikko was blushing, shy but smiling, basking in their sibling-esque way of showing their support. I was pleased and kind of giddy, ready to beg Chita for that recording. Always observant, like Nikko said, Chita was already asking for my number to share it before I could even get the words out of my mouth.

One of the managers gave me the option to watch the show from some spot just off-stage, and I debated whether or not to accept. I liked the idea of being able to see from another vantage point, but as soon as Nikko confessed I’d be distracting, I knew I had to turn it down. Going back home to take care of Noel had been a good way to pass the time until I could come back and hang out when he was available again.

Three late nights in a row was completely uncharacteristic of me—honestly, one late night was pretty unlike me these days—but I wasn’t going to miss a minute of time with Nikko. I hated the idea that tonight, inevitably, we’d end up talking about what was next—what would happen when they left in the morning for another city and I had to go back to work and pretend like everything was fine. Like these few days hadn’t been the highlight of… well, my life.

The elevator dings as it lurches to a stop, and I step out the moment it opens, trying to figure out if I’m supposed to turn right or left down the hallway. Checking the numberagain, because my brain is entirely too consumed with all things Nikko to remember something as trivial as a room number, I practically speed walk past door after door until I reach his.

Raising my fist to knock, I’m startled when I don’t have the opportunity, instead finding myself face-to-face with Lux.

“Hi, Jase.” He gives me a knowing grin that quickly transforms into a smirk. “Have fun.”

Nikko appears in the space behind him, waiting until Lux slips past to greet me. I step into the room as he pushes the door shut, locking it quickly. “Hi,” he says, immediately rocking up onto his tiptoes to kiss me.

“Hey, hi yourself,” I reply, hands on his waist to hold him steady as he leans into me, so I can kiss him back. “Did you tell Lux to leave?”

“No. He …” Nikko frowns. “I do not know the word. He left. On his own.”

---