Page 66 of Teach Me K-Pop

“You’re welcome. I definitely did not see myself playing matchmaker, but clearly I have. Maybe I’ll have to add ‘stealth romance coordinator’ to my increasingly impressive resume,” he comments as he continues typing.

“I’ll write you an excellent letter of recommendation if this works out,” I promise.

“Make it work, Jase.”

? ?? ??

I’m not sure I’ve ever been more nervous in my life. My stomach is in knots, and my heart seems hellbent on escaping from my rib cage. Even the first time we met in person didn’t seem this bad. But there’s so much more at stake now. If he won’t talk to me or doesn’t give me a chance, I’m going to spend a very long and uncomfortable flight back home trying to figure out how to go on with the man I am very much in love with right there in my face all the time.

Is this why celebrities only seem to date each other? Because normal people just can’t handle the fallout? The idea of going about the rest of my life without him in it while seeing and hearing him absolutely everywhere makes me a little bit nauseous.

My hands are sweaty. I keep wiping them on the weird upholstery of this imitation mid-century chair in the hotel room. This is another one of those places I’d never stay on my own, and I still haven’t figured out who’s paying for this room, but I’ll let Kija deal with that. I can always add it to the list of things I owe him for.

I don’t know what to do with myself while I wait. The last few days have been another whirlwind of making arrangements and packing and finding someone to watch Noel. The last dog sitter was out of town, her doggy day camp didn’t have any available boarding reservations, and I hated the idea of leaving her with a total stranger.

In what was either a stroke of genius or a very bad decision, Noel is now spending a few days with “Uncle Tyler and Aunt Jessi.” I had tried to force a smile as Jessi referred to herself and Tyler as that repeatedly, as I was grateful they agreed to help, but also deeply uncomfortable with that. When I’d called them, Tyler had been all too happy to agree to let Noel hang out with them, hoping it would change Jessi’s mind about wanting a baby and maybe they could just get a dog instead. As long as they take care of her, I’m good—they can save the rest of their issues for the marriage counselor they’re going to need soon.

Deciding I can’t just sit here anymore, I take the elevator down to the mini-market in the lobby to buy myself a wildly overpriced soda and take a little walk around the outdoor space I spotted on the way in. There’s a pavilion with string lights, a fire pit, and some very low-to-the-ground couches that look like a great backdrop for a social media post, but I can’t actually picture anyone using it as intended.

Right now, I can’t really imagine anything past tonight—what might happen either way. He could refuse to see me, and I spend one horrible night in this swanky hotel then go home miserable. Or maybe he’s willing to hear me out. Maybe I’ll be able to wrap my arms around him again, even fall asleep beside him.

I shake my head, chastising myself. I can’t think like that. Whatever happens, happens. And it’s up to him. Checking my watch again, something inside me lurches, anxious. I should go back to the room, wait it out there.

As soon as I close and lock my door, my phone alerts me to a new text, and I fumble trying to yank it out of my pocket. It’s Kija.

“He knows you’re there and where you are. Good luck.”

The room seems to tilt, and I sit down on the edge of the mattress.

Is this thenow or nevereveryone talks about?

Even though I practiced a thousand things I wanted to say to him, I can’t remember any of them. I honestly don’t know what I’ll do when he shows up.Ifhe shows up. Whatever feels right in the moment, I guess.

Each minute seems to crawl by slower than the one before it.

Five minutes.

Ten.

Twelve.

Sixteen.

With my head in my hands, I’m trying to remind myself to just breathe. He’s been performing. He may want to shower. Or change clothes. He could be talking to Lalo about what he should do. He could have just gone to bed.

Maybe he’s not coming.

Maybe I’m here for nothing.

I might be waiting for something that just isn’t going to happen.

All of the maybes send my thoughts back to Nikko telling me that every time they sing ‘maybe’ on stage, he thinks of me.

I can see it in your eyes

maybe you feel the same

I know I feel it in your touch

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