Page 68 of Teach Me K-Pop

I know it won’t be easy. I know there will be obstacles and complications, but I’m willing to figure out how to work around them and get through them. Because the way he’s looking at me right now, the grip that he has on me—on my heart—might be the only thing grounding me. “You want to.”

Jase nods. “I want to. I want to wake up in the middle of the night to talk to you for ten minutes. I want to chase you from city to city, if that’s what it takes to see you. I want to sneak in and out of shitty bars and fancy hotel rooms just to have a drink with you or get my hands on you. We’ll make it work somehow, if that’s what you’re telling me you want.”

I could cry. I might still. I have no idea how I got here. How I came to be standing in a random hotel room with this American librarian who changed my whole life by showing up on my computer screen. Who gave me confidence to speak for myself and made me feel so much more than I ever could have expected.

It occurs to me all at once that when I met him, I also met a new version of myself. I’m not the same person I was before that first call, before all those hours of conversation, staring at someone with a singular focus that I’d never experienced before.

But there is so much in the way he is looking at me now—it feels heavy, like he’s got his hands on me. It makes something inside me sparkle and glow to know that he wants to really try this, to do what we have to do to make it work. I know he wants me. It is so clear in his eyes, his expression, and it makes heat pulse through my veins.

I want to give him everything. All these parts of me I’ve never trusted to anyone, never thought I’d be willing to share. I like the idea of him being the only one to touch me the way he has. I want him to be the first and only one to have all of me. I have thought about it so often on all these nights we have been apart. Thought about doing things with him that I had always wondered about before.

We have the time.

Lux knows where I am. He has already teased me about what could happen tonight. I blushed at his suggestions, but here in this moment, there is nothing I want more.

I want him to have me. To know me in this intimate way.

“Jase…” I bite my lip, glancing at him through hooded eyes, and hope he knows what I am asking for.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

JASE

The second his teeth sink into his lower lip as he gazes up at me through his eyelashes, Iknow. I know he wants what I want.

I’m positive that we’re on the same page. Or at least in the same chapter. We’re definitely reading the same metaphorical book. That’s enough for me right now. I need to be closer to him. I have spent every night we’ve been apart dreaming about this—finally having the chance to be with him again.

The fact that he showed up for me—I didn’t even have to go to him—tells me everything. We both want this—the complications, the difficulties, whatever may happen—we want to try if that’s what it takes to be together.

Nikko blushes as my eyes slowly sweep over him. He takes a few steps toward me, the distance shrinking until we’re face to face, sharing the air in the very limited space between us. Tilting his head just so, he stretches up on his tiptoes, and it’s all the encouragement I need.

One of my hands slips around his waist, tugging his whole body against mine, as the other cradles his jaw. The touch of my lips on his is electric, just like I remembered, just like I was sure it would be again. Even a kiss this chaste seems incendiary, lighting a fire that I know will consume me.

He whimpers softly, his fingertips catching the hem of my shirt and twisting, holding me where I am. I don’t have to wait for him to ask for more, as he timidly coaxes my mouth open, his tongue slipping teasingly against mine.

I kiss him until I’m out of breath, until air seems unnecessary because I feel him smile against my lips. I swallow down each sound he makes, take them in to keep forever. I want to let each of his sighs and pleas fill in the empty spaces that were left when we were apart, put every piece that felt broken and out of place back where it belongs.

We’ve probably said enough words for now—agreeing we’re both in this, for real, for good. But I feel like I can’t go any farther, can’t let myself give in to all the things I want to do, until he knows. I need him to know. “Nikko.”

He pulls back just enough to blink up at me in a daze, lips and cheeks all pinked up. “Wae?”

“Why what?” I ask, brushing an errant strand of hair out of his eyes.

“Why did you stop? I want more,” he pouts.

I kiss him again, just once, and sit on the edge of the bed. I take a deep breath to try to slow the rabbit-like beating of my heart, all worked up from what has happened and what I’m about to do. “I want more, too. I want… everything.”

Hopping onto the bed with me, Nikko straddles my lap, clearly trying to get things moving again. “You can have it. I want you to.”

“I just… there’s something else that I need you to know,” I tell him, taking his hands before they can start roaming.

He sits back on his heels, peering back at me, waiting. Curious. “I am listening.”

“I don’t know if this is too soon or not soon enough, but for me, it’s important that I tell you now, before we do anything more. I’m not expecting anything. There’s no pressure or obligation…” I trail off as he looks at me, his eyes softer and more full of stars than I’ve ever seen them. Like he might feel the same. He makes me fearless.. “Saranghae, Nikko. I love you.”

He throws his arms around my neck, squeezing me tightly. “I love you, too. Nado saranghae.” His voice is muffled by the way his face is smushed into my shoulder, but hearing him say it back is even more than I expected or could have hoped for. “I did not think…” He stops, sniffles, and presses a kiss to my throat. “I did not think I was ready for you. I was afraid of how I felt when you were there, but it was worse when you were gone.”

“But I’m here now.” I pause to turn his head and bring our lips together again. “We’ll figure out the rest.”

---