Page 72 of Teach Me K-Pop

I pinch at the bridge of my nose, willing my morning wood not to get involved in this conversation, because we do not have time for all the things I want to do to him right now.

Nikko seems to enjoy my distress, because then he says, “It is like I can still feel you. I will think about you, remember you were there, the whole flight home.”

Groaning, I have to roll away from him, but he follows, wrapping himself around me and holding on like a koala. “Nikko. Please. Let me live.”

“You look younger when you sleep,” he tells me, having mercy and changing the subject as his hand slides across my chest in a way that already feels so familiar somehow.

I turn to quirk an eyebrow at him. “Are you saying I look old when I’m awake?”

“No!” He giggles and pokes at my side. “It makes me think about when you were younger. And how you had a whole life before I met you. I did, too, but we are still here somehow. Together.”

“That’s what you want, right? To be together.” I have to clarify while I have the opportunity. “I just… need to know.”

Nikko sits up, the white sheets pooling around his waist, and I can’t help but stare at his chest, the exposed skin too tempting not to draw my attention. “Jase.” His tone is a mix of scolding and fondness. He waits until I make eye contact again, and I can tell he’s about to be serious. That I need to listen to what he’s about to say. “I will not push you away again. I know we have so much to try to figure out, but if you are willing to do it, I am too. I love you. I want to be with you. As your boyfriend.”

Boyfriend.

I don’t know how it’s possible that of all the people in the world, he’s chosen me, but I have never felt more charmed than I do at this moment. Smiling, I raise up, too, leaning over to kiss him softly. “Good, because I want you to be my boyfriend.”

He makes a pleased, happy little noise as he pulls back. “I am not sure how to be a boyfriend, but I know you will help me learn that, too.”

“There’s nothing I can teach you about that. I’ve seen way too many articles and posts about howboyfriend-codedyou are,” I chuckle. “But they’re right. You are. The only difference in our relationship from now on is that I can tell you I love you. And see you naked. Just think how much sexier our video chats will be now.”

“Jase!” Nikko grabs a pillow to whack my arm with it, and I fall over laughing as he continues to smack me with it.

This is definitely my new favorite morning, too.

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I push the button to recline in my surprise-upgrade-to-first-class seat, fairly certain that sitting up front like this is going to ruin me for economy air travel from now on. Settling back and finally relaxing now that we’re past take-off—my least favorite part of flying—I have time to think.

Watching Nikko leave a few hours ago after being summoned to return to the room he was supposed to have been sharing with Lux had been a relief in so many ways. I hated to see him go, but I felt like we were in such a good place—in love and hopeful about the future.

We’d talked for a few hours, trying to figure out the most basic logistics of how to move forward, as a couple. The time difference would suck, but we knew how to deal with that, having been navigating it since the beginning. Finding ways to see each other in person more often was going to be trickier.

I’m pretty sure I can make a trip to Seoul for a couple of weeks since school is out, so the next problem is how to get Nikko out of the group’s shared housing without raising any suspicions. He said he feels fairly certain the members would cover for him, should management become problematic. But that is an issue for future us.

For now, I have about two-and-a-half hours worth of flying time to try to prioritize my own life and what I want to do. While the conversation Nikko and I had was focused on working things out for the more immediate future, I can’t help but think long term. Agreeing to be with him felt like a very all-or-nothing kind of investment for me. I want a real shot at having a lasting relationship with him, and I know that might not be—probably isn’t—possible with our lives the way they are.

Obviously, there is more on the line for him. He has to be in Seoul. I really don’t have to be anywhere. I like my job and my students and where I live, but I would not be devastated to leave any of it behind. I loved living in Korea and could easily see myself moving back. I’ve been thinking about it, wanting to, basically since I left.

Nikko is taking on a significant risk just by trying to have a boyfriend. To me, it only seems fair that I would take some big chances as well, for the sake of what we could have. Maybe it’s naive and I’m just feeling foolishly optimistic right now, but I feel as though maybe wecouldhave it all.

Looking out the window at the fluffy clouds, my mind immediately goes back to last night and Nikko’s fingers gripping the hotel bed sheets. And what he’d said earlier about his own flight home. I can’t help but wonder if he’s thinking of me right now, shifting in his seat and feeling a twinge of leftover tenderness. I’m going to have to turn on the tiny overhead fan, so I need to do something else to keep myself occupied.

I reach into my carry-on bag and pull out the note paper that I snatched from the hotel room to start making notes. The woman sitting beside me suddenly seems very interested in what I’m doing, so I write in Hangul, despite the fact my penmanship is atrocious using Korean characters. As soon as she realizes that she can’t actually read what I’m jotting down, she goes back to flipping through her fashion magazine, angled away from me.

I’m surprised when I hear the announcement that we’ll be landing in about 20 minutes, having spent the last couple of hours brainstorming. While all of my ideas are certainly not genius, I definitely have a few that I feel pretty good about. At least several that I can start investigating.

By the time I’m picking up my luggage, there’s a strange kind of calm that seems to have settled over me. Like I know what I need to do now, because I know where my path is leading.

Where my heart lies.

Somewhere over the Pacific Ocean right now.

Held in Nikko’s gentle hands.

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