Page 111 of Ink & Ambition

“You. You burst into my life and even since then, I haven’t been able to think straight. You’ve taken me off my path. You’ve distracted me.”

For a moment we’re both silent. I have no idea what to say. On one hand, she’s not wrong. We’ve been spending a lot of time together. Time, I guess, she would’ve spent on her schoolwork and newspaper job. But I wasn’t the one who asked to work together. She came to me at the start of all this. It’s not my fault that we fell in love in the process.

And she has no right to blame that on me.

“Let me help you. We can figure this out.”

She’s not listening to me, lost in her disappointment. I know her asking me for help at the start of all this was a struggle because she didn’t know who I was. I never thought after all this that she would still be struggling to ask for help.

“I can’t do this. This…is too distracting.” She’s gesturing wildly and I just need her to calm the fuck down. The words she’s saying right now are threatening to shatter me. Margot is spiraling. I’ve seen this spiral before. A bead of sweat glistens down her brow. Her eyes are wide with shock and confusion.She’s about to drive us into a lake.

“This?”

“This.” She’s silent for a beat. “You. Us.”

She’s taking in deep breaths as if all the oxygen hasn’t just leaked out of my lungs.

Shaking my head, I try to make sense of everything she’s saying but she’s moving a mile a minute and I can’t keep up. Even if I could say anything to appease her right now, she wouldn’t listen.

Flashes of memory burst into my eyesight. My mom and dad, laughing in the kitchen. The next thing I know, I’m underwater fighting for my life. I couldn’t save her. She killed herself becauseshe couldn’t care for me. I might as well have pulled her under the water myself. And damn if I’m going to do the same to Margot.

I’m nodding. I’m nodding and speaking before I even know what I’m saying. “You’re right. I’ve been pulling your focus away from what’s important. That’s not fair to you.”

Margot stops pacing and looks at me, tragedy in those deep blue eyes.

“You asked me to help you with the podcast but you never asked me to take over your life.”

“Wait–” I hold up a hand to stop her. If she says anything now, I’ll lose my steam. I need to do this. For her.

“When people get together, they’re supposed to make each other’s lives better. But ever since we’ve gotten together, you’ve endured internet bullying, frat row drama and now you’re at risk of failing your classes. That doesn’t qualify asbetterand that’s my fault.”

She’s silent. I want her to contradict me. She wants to contradict me. But she can’t. Because we both know that I’m right.

A lone tear escapes her eye and I reach out to wipe it away. “I can’t fail, Alex.”

“I know, sunshine.” My hand drops from her cheek. “And I can’t be the reason you do.”

More tears fall and it takes every ounce of willpower I have not to pull her against my chest and hold her. Wipe away the tears and make everything clean and new again. But you can’t fix something that was broken from the start.

There’s a piece of me lost at the bottom of that lake. A piece I need to be whole and able to love without fear of ruining someone else’s life. Walking out of Margot’s life right now is the only way to save her.

Without another word, I take the most challenging step I’ve ever taken in my life. A step away from Margot, toward her apartment door. Leaving her crying behind me, I walk right out of her room, out of her apartment, down the hall and out the front door. It’s not until I get to my car that I realize.

She’s not the only one crying.

The very last thing I want to do is have my house filled with drunken assholes but there’s no escaping it. I could leave, but where would I go? Can’t go back to Margot’s apartment, even though everything in me is screaming to run back and apologize. Beg her to forgive me. Beg her to take me back.

But I can’t do that.

Leaving Margot is the best thing I could do for her. Even though it’s tearing me apart one vein at a time.

Opening the fridge, I stare inside, looking at the contents but not really seeing.

“Hey man, didn’t expect to see you back here tonight,” someone says next to me. I don’t even blink. Can’t.

“Alex?” the voice says again. I keep staring.What have I done?Suddenly, my arm is ripped away from the fridge handle and I’m staring at Kai’s confused face. Once he sees my expression, his face sobers. “What happened? Is Margot okay?”

“She’s…”

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