Page 112 of Ink & Ambition

Gone.

I can’t say it. I can barely think it. I pushed her to her breaking down and she pushed me away. And I let her. Because I love her more than I love myself. I want to see her succeed more than anything else in this fucking world. And she can’t do that if I’m standing in her way, begging for her attention.

I need to be stronger than that. I will be stronger. For her.

Kai shakes my shoulders, pulling me out of my thoughts again.

“What the hell is going on?” By now I see Keith and Devon have joined up behind Kai, all three of their faces mirror images of concern.

“We broke up.”

“You—”

A glass shatters in the living room and I finally blink. I can’t be here. I need to fucking go. Now.

Ripping my keys out of my front pocket, I run out the front door, ignoring the sounds of my brother’s calling behind me. Getting in the car, I put the key in the ignition and drive away. Before I realize what I’m doing, I’m pulling up to the front door of my father’s house.

My brother’s door is ajar and the sounds of clicking intensifies the closer I get. Drew is muttering curses to himself and he pushes the over ear headphones off of his head right when I walk in the room.

“Jesus Fucking Christ, Alex. Are you trying to give me a heart attack?” he yells as he jolts out of his seat. I can’t help but laugh at his apparent fear…until I realize it’s the first time I’ve smiled since I walked out of Margot’s room and then the grin fades.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” I walk further into the room, taking it in for the first time in a long long time. Behind me, Drew settles back into his gaming chair. A glance in his direction says he’s wondering what my motive is for being here. I don’t blame him. I haven’t just dropped by the house to say hi in…never.

“What are you doing here? Doesn’t your fancy pants frat throw ragers on Friday nights? Why aren’t you there?”

“Couldn’t be there,” I mutter. I’m pretty surprised to see Drew has a bookcase with a not insignificant amount of books. Glancing at the titles, I see some fantasy, some graphic novels, a few comic books. A few books on cars.

“Since when are you interested in cars?” I ask, pulling out the copy ofEngines for Dummies!Drew rips it from my hands. I hadn’t even realized he’d left his chair.

“I’m not. Just have some books.” He chucks the book back on the shelf. “What are you going here, Alex?”

With a sigh, I sit on Drew’s unmade bed, pushing aside a pile of clothes. “I was looking for dad actually. He’s not here, is he?”

Drew shakes his head. “Some business dinner.”

“Shocked,” I deadpan.

Drew looks at me questioningly. “Why do you need him?”

Finally selling my soul to the devil.Since I can’t make Margot happy, can’t give her what she needs, I might as well make someone in my life happy. Even if that person is Oliver. Even if that means, come graduation, I’ll be waking up everyday to a life that I hate. Something good has to come out of this hole in my heart.

I came to tell my father that I’m ready to stop fighting him.

My eyes shift from Drew to the desk behind him, cluttered with old soda cans, empty potato chip wrappers and behind it all, a photograph. A framed photograph. My legs move without permission and I pick up the frame, analyzing it closely.

It’s the three of us. Drew, myself and our mom. She’s hugging us closely, she’s grinning, her eyes closed. Drew and I are smiling too. It’s a beautiful picture.

“I’ve never seen this before,” I murmur to myself.

“Dad got it framed for me a few years ago.”

“He did?” Now that shocks me. Setting it back down, I push some garbage out of the way so that it can be featured more prominently. “What do you remember about mom?”

I have no idea why I’m bringing her up right now. We never talk about her. It’s an unspoken rule in our household. But for some reason I can’t explain, I’m dying to know. He was so young when she did what she did. When she died. I need to know what he knows about her.

“I really don’t remember her at all.” Drew’s voice is sad and his eyes are even sadder. “I wish I did. You have no idea how much I wish I could recall something but there’s just nothing. I don’t even remember what she did to us. I just know what you’ve told me.”

For a minute, I’m relieved to know he doesn’t remember almost drowning in that lake. The memories of that day have weighed on me my entire life. It’s a comfort to know that my little brother isn’t burdened by that, too.

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