Page 113 of Ink & Ambition

But then I remember my mother’s smile. My father singing to her in the kitchen. Our impromptu adventures. Drew doesn’t remember any of that either. And that’s a damn shame.

“You know what I do remember though?” Drew asks, breaking me from my memories. Drew spins around in his chair and I lean back against the desk, settling in a bit more comfortably.

“I remember that time that we built that fort in the backyard in the dead of winter and Dad said we couldn’t sleep out there or we’d freeze to death.” Drew laughs. “You brought out every single blanket, pillow and sheet in the entire house and told Dad that we’d see him in the morning.”

I chuckle at the memory. Of course I remember that. We did almost freeze to death, woke up in the dead of night, shivers wracking our entire bodies. We had grabbed our blankets and both slept in my bed, curled up for warmth.

“I remember that.”

“Oh, and that time we went to the beach and I wouldn’t go in the water.”

“Because of the sharks,” I roll my eyes.

“Because of the sharks but you ran right in and started splashing around.”

“To scare them away.”

“And eventually I did go in because you convinced me that there were way too many people around for any sharks to come by anyway but you stayed by my side the whole time, just in case.”

The beach had been packed with people. There was hardly any space to swim in the water let alone get bitten by a shark. I had grabbed his head and shoved him under the water so he could see the shark-free landscape himself and he had splashed me real good on his way back up. Dad was on the boardwalk, phone to his ear.

“And when Dad made you quit the basketball team so you could go work after school at the dealership, you kept practicing on that hoop in the driveway, even though you didn’t need to improve your game anymore.”

“I still liked playing. And you used to come and play with me sometimes.”

“I remember,” Drew says. “I don’t know much about our mom, and maybe even less about our dad but I know a lot about you.”

My throat catches but I don’t want to spook him with too much emotion. We’ve never spoken this openly before. Oliver doesn’t care for emotional conversations and by the time Drew was old enough to have any, I was out the door running toward Tomlin University and my freedom.

I hadn’t realized Drew had been watching me so much growing up. Noticing things I did for him. Remembering how I protected him. Guided him. I had always wanted him to know that he could do anything he wanted to do, if he set his mind to it. Even though I wasn’t able to follow my own advice sometimes, I would burn this world down if it meant my baby brother could live the future he dreamed of.

Drew’s hazel eyes glisten slightly and it’s like I’m seeing him in a new light.I never realized how much he looks like mom.I want to reach out and give him a hug but I know he’s probably reached his breaking point of sappy emotional talk so I settle instead for a pat on the shoulder closest to me.

“You’re alright?” I ask.

Drew nods. “Yeah, I’m good. Are you?”

I can’t return the sentiment. Not yet. But I’m finding myself at least happy with one decision I made tonight and that was to seek out my father. Because it led me here. A place I never thought I’d be.

Chapter Forty-Three

Margot

Hoveringoutsidethedoor,I wonder if I’ve made a terrible mistake coming here. This has always been my study room, my safe haven from the chaos of a college campus. I never thought that bringing Alex here would ruin it for me forever. But now, the very air reeks of him.

Maybe if I close my eyes…

Sliding the key into the door, I squeeze my eyes shut before swinging the door open, stepping inside and letting it close behind me. Only then do I look around. The room looks exactly the same but somehow, completely different. The chairs are tucked into the table. The table where we wrote our podcast scripts. The chairs we sat in a little too close to each other to befriendlybut neither of us moved away. How could I possibly sit in the room where Alex and I shared ideas, laughs, and even pleasure, one I try very hard not to recall.

I want to be strong enough to do this but, as it turns out, I’m not. Especially when I notice the etching that Alex left in the table. Could that only have been weeks ago? Feels like anotherlifetime. I run just the tips of my fingers over the letters, fighting back the tears that threaten to fall.

Nope. Can’t do this.

Running out of the room as if it was on fire, I bolt up the stairs, practically throwing the study room key at poor unsuspecting Edith. I don’t need her concern right now. Her pity would break me.

Sending a quick text to Sydney, I resign myself to sit by the gym and wait for her to finish her workout and take me home. I can edit the podcast from my desk in my bedroom. As I settle onto the bench outside the fitness center, pulling out my book to distract me, a cacophony of male voices pulls my attention.

Then I see them. A crowd of KA guys, led by Kai and Keith, walking toward the gym, water bottles and gym bags in tow. I’ve never prayed before but now seems as good a time as ever.Please, don’t notice me. Please, don’t notice me. Please, don’t notice me.

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