Page 114 of Ink & Ambition

“Margot?”

This is why I don’t pray.

Glancing up, I feign shock. “Oh hey guys, didn’t see you there. What’s up?”

Some guys wave as they walk past me into the gym. Eying the group, I try to hide the fact that I’m very obviously looking for someone.

“He’s not here,” Kai says, matter-of-factly. “He went home for the weekend.”

“Home?”

“Something about seeing his dad.”

I narrow my eyes. Spending time with Oliver Prescott is the very last thing Alex would want to do. Something must be wrong. Sydney, and her incredible timing, exit the gym before the boys can say anything else.

“See ya around,” I say as a goodbye and then I pull Sydney toward her car, the look on my face telling her all she needs to know.

I knew editing the final episode of the podcast would be difficult but I didn’t know it’d be rip-out-my-heart-and-stomp-it-into-the-ground difficult. Every look, every touch, every laugh burns as if a physical flame is being set to my skin. I need to get this over with as fast as humanly possible.

It feels disingenuous to post a podcast recording all about how much Alex and I love each other when in fact, our relationship barely lasted the length of an entire episode. I can’t even think about the reaction this is going to have on campus but I also can’t bring myself to care.

In two weeks, finals will be over and everyone will go home and forget this podcast ever existed.Ask Alexwill fade into Tomlin University obscurity. A whisper of what used to be. And that’s perfectly fine with me. I never meant to cause the stir I did on campus, I only meant to make a big enough splash for theNew York Timesto notice.

Still, posting this episode now…it makes me feel like a fraud. Like this whole thing was just for show. Like I’m everything the mean girls in the comments said I am. A pick-me, an attention seeker, a phony.

“How’s it going, champ?” Danika asks, bringing me my third cup of coffee. I’ve been at this for an hour and it hasn’t gotten the slightest bit easier. Every time I think it can’t get worse, I notice Alex glancing at me with a look of love that drops my heart out of my chest.

“I’m almost done.”

“Do you want help?”

God yes. “I’m almost done,” I repeat. As much as I would love to pass this task off to someone else, this is my competition piece at the end of the day. I’m responsible for how it turns out. Alex and Nathan both have been huge helps throughout and I couldn’t have done it without them, but this I need to do on my own.

With a solemn nod, Dani leaves the room, closing the door behind her.

Another thirty minutes and a few shed tears later, I’m finally finished. While typically I’d wait until Monday afternoon to publish the podcast, I can’t bring myself to think about this for one more second.

Surprise, Alex fangirls. You’re getting your podcast one day early.But I’ll bet you won’t be pleased with the contents.

Don’t worry, neither am I.

I grip the pen in my hand. The extra one I always give Alex. He’s sitting seven rows behind me and I’m gripping the pen like it’s my only lifeline. It’s pure instinct that I’m even holding it, so used to him trying to steal mine.

You would think there would be a speech as a final for this class but Professor Walker has been surprising us all semester, she’s not gonna stop now. After an hour, she dismisses us, collecting the test packets and wishing us all a happy winter break.

Somehow in the rush of everyone leaving, I end up directly behind Alex in the hallway. I want to talk to him. Touch him. Hear him call mesunshine. But I know I can’t. He doesn’t want to be my distraction. He wants to live his own life. Without me.

I resign myself to a silent walk until I remember the fact that his friends said he was with his dad for the weekend and I can’t stop the words from slipping out of my mouth.

“Alex?”

Alex turns to me, looking like he’s seen a ghost. “Yeah?”

“Is everything okay?”

“What do you mean? Of course, it’s not.”

The comment stings. “I know you went to your dad’s this weekend. Just hoped all was well with your family.”

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