Page 20 of Ink & Ambition

Plus, it would be my first story of the year, and probably a big one since they hardly let press into their events. It could even make the front page.

“I’ll ask him,” I grin. Alex is the Kappa president, it shouldn’t be hard for him to get me a ticket for the gala. Jessy claps me on the back as she walks past, clearly dismissing me.

Thanking Nathan one more time and promising him I’ll let him know more details about the podcast soon, I wave to Sydney before leaving the newsroom and heading to public speaking class, having one knot in my stomach replaced by another.

As if I wasn’t nervous enough at the mere thought of reciting my speech today, the feeling is now doubled due to the fact that Alex will be there watching me. Since Saturday morning at the cafe, I have been working non-stop to plan out this podcast and now that I have Nathan on board, I can finally talk the plan out with Alex.Just get through this speech first.

Ever since Alex opened up last week about his mother, I’d been feeling like my speech about open water just isn’t deep enough–no pun intended. So, I worked through my Sunday, as usual, and came up with something much more interesting…at least to me. Not that I’m trying to impress Alex. I just don’t want my speech professor to think I’m a vapid idiot with nothing between my ears.

When I enter the classroom, I opt for the same seat that I had last time, even though there really is no hiding in this class. Pulling my speech notes out of my bag, I sit a little bit straighter in my chair, knowing I’ll have to get up there eventually today anyway.

I can’t stop myself from peeking at the door every time it opens and students walk in. I’m not looking for Alex. Of course not. Even if I was, it’s not like I want him to be here while I embarrass myself on the stage in about ten minutes. No, I hope he doesn’t show up. In fact, I hope he dropped this class and–

The previously vacant seat next to me suddenly becomes occupied by a man who’s familiar minty scent smacks me immediately.

“Sunshine,” Alex says as a greeting.

“Frat boy,” I respond, not meeting his eye but all too much feeling his arm graze mine on the shared armrest.

Alex lets out a dark chuckle. “You know, I’m not loving that nickname.”

Still, not looking at him, I reply, “You haven’t given me cause to replace it.”

Out of my peripheral vision, I see Alex nod once. “Challenge accepted.”

Turning to face him, my next rebuttal is cut off by Professor Walker commanding our attention at the front of the room.

“Alright, folks. Let’s jump right into it today, shall we?” Again, no preamble in sight. Professor Walker calls the first boy up to the stage and he presents some speech about heights, I think. I’m not really paying attention, half my mind focused on my upcoming speech, the other half on the feel of Alex’s arm brushing mine.

“So I’ve been thinking about this podcast thing,” Alex whispers into my ear which causes an annoying chill to creep up my spine. “I have an idea of what we could call it.”

“Shh,” I silence him sharply, trying to keep my focus on the front of the room. Professor Walker has called up the next girl and I know, based on her list from last week, that I’m next after her. The girl, Maya, starts her speech about a trip to the Grand Canyon where she almost fell down off the side of the mountain range.

“Ah shit, thatisscary,” Alex comments after a minute or so and I shush him again. Loud enough that the people in front of us turn to get a view of what is going on. I push down a little in my seat but Alex barely seems to notice as he leans into me again. “So, the title…I was thinking–”

“Margot Davis,” Professor Walker calls and I let out a high-pitched noise of surprise.

“Did you just squeak?”

“Shut up.” Getting up from my seat, I feel my hands already begin to shake.It’s just a room full of people who mean nothing to you. Who cares if you mess up?

I’ll care.

Alex will definitely care. Well, maybe not care, but he will notice and more than likely make fun of me for it. My hands start to shake a little more and the paper I’m holding becomes more like a fan than a notecard. I put it down on the podium.

As long as I don’t look in his direction, I can just pretend he’s not there.But of course, the minute I open my mouth, the door to the classroom flies open with a late straggler and my eyes fly in that direction but instead land on Alex’s intense gaze on the way. His concentration bothers me. He didn’t give a shit about the two speeches before, why is he so laser focused on mine?

Trying my damndest to push away all errant thoughts of Alex, I take the deepest breath I can muster and dive right in.

“I wrote this speech twice. Last week, I had a speech prepared about how I was scared of heights, due to a hiking accident I had with my dad when I was three. But after having a week to think it over, I thought, while cliffs and the idea of falling is absolutely terrifying, it isn’t what scares me the most.”

I’m looking down at my hands and I know I should be looking into the crowd, or at the very least at my professor, but I can’t seem to pull myself away from my cuticles, torn apart from a week of stressing about this class…among other things.

“I come from a poor family where the only food that was put on the table was either scraps left over from my granda’s shifts at the restaurant or takeout when my dad took extra shifts at the factory. My older brother, Arden, and I got jobs when we were too young and helped the family as best we could. When my grandma got sick, we all had to pitch in on our part even more.” I move my gaze from my fingers to the tip of the stage but I still can’t bring myself to look up.

“Growing up in South Carolina wasn’t that Southern dream that most people hear about. At least, it wasn’t for me. When I left there to come here, it was under the condition that I make something of myself. ‘Do better than your daddy did’, that’s what my father always said to me. So, the thing I’m most scared of in this life, the thing that keeps me moving the way I do is failure. It’s not being the best I can be. Not doing the best I can do. Because if I fail, I’m not only letting myself down, but I’m also letting down my entire family.”

I stop and after a beat, the applause starts. It’s polite, the same applause that every presenter has gotten so far but I can barely even register it. Professor Walker thanks me as I walk off the stage and head back to my seat. Alex remains eerily silent as I take my previous spot next to him, sinking lower again to try and keep myself hidden. But I know I can’t, I’ve already exposed myself. To the rest of the class and to him.

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