Page 49 of Ink & Ambition

“I feel great about it,” I say, but on the inside my stomach clenches. Italian meals can be expensive and if I want to go Dutch, I’m gonna have to make sure I don’t pick the most expensive meal on the menu–not that I ever would.

Within minutes, Ryan pulls up to a cute little mom and pop Italian restaurant and my gut loosens a little bit. When we enter, Ryan motions two fingers to the hostess and we’re seated immediately.

Ryan pulls out my chair and I sit as gracefully as I can. He really is quite the gentleman. It’s a stark difference from how Alex treats me sometimes.Why are you thinking about Alex right now?

“I hear the penne ala vodka is amazing here,” Ryan comments as he opens his menu. I hum in response. If I’m going to give Ryan a real chance, I need to not let thoughts of myfriendAlex leak into my brain during this dinner. Especially not thoughts about that moment we had in the study room. When he picked up and then put me down…Stop it!

“I’m definitely going to get that then,” I reply, closing my menu.

Ryan laughs. “You’re not even going to peruse the menu?”

“Nope, I trust your judgment,” I say, taking a sip of the fresh water the waiter poured when we sat down. Ryan closes his menu, too.

“I’m going to get the same,” he says definitively. “Well, that was easy.”

I chuckle. Yes, it was. So far everything about this date has been easy.

When the waiter comes back, Ryan orders our entrees and he’s polite to the waiter (something I always look out for) when asking for extra bread in our bread basket. Ryan asks me about my family and growing up in the South. I give him the abridged version, saving the real juicy details for a later date–if there is one. Ryan tells me about growing up in California and how he made his way over to the Northeast to go to Tomlin.

“Once I got that baseball scholarship, I couldn’t say no.”

“Would you have wanted to stay in California if you didn’t get this scholarship?” I ask, finishing the last of my fourth glass of water.

Ryan had been right about the pasta, it was amazing. We had just finished eating dinner when the dessert menu arrived on our table.

“I’m not sure. All I know is, I haven’t regretted my decision to come here for one second.” He smiles and I match his expression.

Ryan holds up the dessert menu with a questioning look. He’s letting me make the decision to extend the night or not. While I am having a good time, the edits for Saturday’s podcast taping start to creep into the back of my mind. And the fact that I have class at nine tomorrow morning. It was nice that Ryan wanted to see me during the week instead of waiting until the weekend, but it does mean that I’m not really in for a long night on a Wednesday.

I think my indecisiveness is showing on my face because Ryan makes the decision for us. “Next time, we’ll go for ice cream,” he says and I grin in relief.

After a quick but non-confrontational fight over Ryan paying for the check, we grab our coats and head out. We ride in comfortable silence back to my apartment and I can’t help butfeel good. This date was really nice. Ryan is really nice. The whole evening I’ve felt comfortable and safe. So why, when he pulled up to my building, did I find myself shying away?

A goodnight kiss is standard for first dates.

“I had a really good time tonight,” Ryan says, putting the car in park but leaving the engine running.

“I did, too,” I agree.

There’s a pause. A silence in the air. Ryan doesn’t lean in. But neither do I.

After a second, I smile. “Goodnight, Ryan.”

“Goodnight, Margot,” he says. It’s a clear dismissal of the date but not a dismissal of the possibility of another one. Ryan idles outside the building until I get in the door and then he pulls away from the curb. I take a deep breath. Nice. That was…nice.

Chapter Twenty-One

Alex

It’stimesliketheseI wish I had a dog, just to have an excuse to walk by her building as she’s getting home from this date. I shouldn’t care that she's on a date. In fact, I don’t care. All I care about is that she’s ready to work on this podcast since now my reputation is entwined with this thing.

Plopping on the couch, I make myself comfortable next to Kai who’s typing away on his laptop. “Hey, man.”

Kai only grunts in acknowledgement, not looking away from the screen. I can’t help but peek over his shoulder and when I do, Kai shuts the screen before I can get a glimpse.

“What’s up?” He says, his voice sounding and failing to sound natural.

If this were anyone else, I would just leave it alone but Kai is one of my best friends and he’s been MIA for weeks now. Something’s going on. “Are you okay?”

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