Page 23 of London, Love, & A Little Something Irish

Me: I’ve never tried that before, actually. I’d say words of affirmation are generally down at the bottom of the list for me.

Nataly: How come?

Me: Well, words weren’t a big deal growing up. I felt like what really mattered was the action. I always knew what people thought through their actions.

Nataly: That’s interesting. I think it’s definitely a mix of the two. I find that words matter so much—they can influence your thoughts and how you do things. But what are words without action, right?

Me: Exactly.

It’s easy talking with her, and every day I feel like I’m getting to know more and more. The more I know, the more I like her. She’s so much more than just her looks. Her personality lights up everything. She’s vulnerable, yet confident. She’s bubbly, yet has some parts of her that are introverted. She longs to be out of her shell, and yet has fear. It’s been so great getting to know her as a friend, that I know that someday soon, things will change.

Nataly

Friday. Finally.

Nathan is always texting me. Daily.And I shouldn’t enjoy itthismuch.

But I do.

I like the way he makes me laugh—the kind of laugh that escapes before I can stop it. He remembers little things I say, like how I once mentioned strawberry pencils (especially the fizzy kind you get at the cinema) are one of my favorite types of candy, and two days later when we were at church he said:

“So, do you hoard strawberry pencils, or do you live on the edge and buy them last minute?"

I grinned.“I like to live life on the edge… but then if I ever get to the cinema and they’re all gone, I regret my decision immediately! What’s your favorite?” I replied.

“Chocolate over sweets any day,” he said with a shrug.

Then he added, almost offhandedly, “I’m also really into honey. We spent a lot of time at my grandparents’ house growing up, and grandad would have honey sandwiches. He’s been gone a few years now, but honey always makes me think of him.”

My smile softened. “That’s really sweet. You guys must have been close?”

“Yeah. I always looked forward to summers with them,” hesaid. “We would sometimes spend it at their house in Loch Lomond, in Scotland. We’d go hiking, and they’d point out different types of birds. If it rained, we’d eat our picnic in the car and just watch the scenery.”

“That sounds so lovely. You clearly cared about your Grandad a lot.”

“He was great,” Nathan said simply, before we drifted into another topic.

It’s easy. It's fun. But there’s depth. I feel like I’m getting to know him.

But it’s also dangerous.

Because every time my phone lights up with his name, I feel something—a small pull. A flicker of excitement. And I don’t know what to do with that feeling. We’re just friends, I always tell myself. I can have guy friends. No lines have been crossed. But the line in my mind might get blurred if it continues this way. And I don’t know how much longer I can keep pretending it’s just harmless.

Joel’s back from California. I’m about to meet him on the tube as he gets in.

He’s coming down the escalator, and I feel… not much.

Not excitement. Not relief. Not butterflies.

That scares me. Is it because things were weird while he was away?

“Hey,” he says, making his way over to me.

“Hey!” I smile at him.

A quick hug, and a peck. “How’s it going?”

It’s been weeks. Shouldn’t our reunion be alittlemore exciting than this?

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