Page 25 of London, Love, & A Little Something Irish

Me: Rain check? I’m gonna stay in and recharge.

Nathan: Well, we’ll miss you there. But okay. Next time, no excuses.

My heart does the flip thing again. Like it’s got no business reacting to a text message. Great. I exhale, shaking my head at myself. And then my phone pings again. This time it’s my mom.

Mom: When are you coming down to Bournemouth next? We should plan something, so we can meet Joel.

I groan and flop myself down onto my bed in my dorm room. I shove my head face down onto my pillow.

Bournemouth. Only a couple of hours away by train or car. But right now, I wish it were a lot further away. Like across an ocean. Or on the moon. Or maybe like we’ve entered an Avengers movie and Bournemouth was sucked into a portal and the train just isn’t going there right now because the tracks were taken too. Oops, sorry mom, I love you but you’re in a portal and I can’t get a train so you can’t meet my boyfriend! Anything to give me an excuse as to why Joel can’t meet my parents yet. I’m not ready.

The thought of Joel sitting across from my parents, answering their questions—it makes my chest feeltight.

I backspace. Type again. Delete again.

Finally, I type it out and hit send.

Me: Maybe in a couple of weeks? Things are busy right now.

Two weeks. That buys me some time. Two weeks and I should surely know a little bit more about what my feelings are doing. Time to stop thinking about?—

Nathan.

My gaze flicks back to our chat, where his name still sits at the top of my messages. He saidnext time, no excuses.

And for the first time, I wonder if I even want an excuse.

10

Nataly

It’s Saturday night.

Joel and I went out to the cinema as we usually do, and this time we went to the West India Quay one. I absolutely love Canary Wharf. There’s something about the sleek skyline, the water reflecting the lights—it feels like the kind of place where life really happens. It’s definitely somewhere I’d love to live one day. Right now, though, I’m still in university dorms, so I settle for loving the view and the fact that this cinema is close enough. We’re always bouncing between the one at the O2 and this one, depending on the movie.

We watchedGet Hardwith Will Ferrell and Kevin Hart. I think Kevin Hart is absolutely hilarious. He’s one of those comedians who can make me laugh a lot. And Will Ferrell?Elfmade him a forever favorite in my book. Put the two of them together, and you’ve pretty much got a guaranteed good time.

We’re walking around after the movie down where the shopsare underground. And then, as we sit down, out of nowhere, he drops it.

“Why don’t I come with you when you go down to Bournemouth? I know you’re supposed to see your parents soon. I really want to meet them,” he says casually.

My stomach knots instantly. “Uh… yeah, okay, sure,” I say, trying to not let the anxiety through my tone. “Mom mentioned it too. I’m planning on going Friday night and coming back Sunday. We could take a walk around Bournemouth, hang out on Saturday.”

“That sounds great. I’ll look forward to it.”

I’m still not ready for this. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready for Joel to meet my parents. On paper, it makes sense. Joel and I get along really well—we always have. That’s why I’m even in this relationship to begin with. Things with us are generally easygoing and comfortable. We always enjoy hanging out. We started off well as friends—everyone says a friendship is a good foundation for a relationship. I’ve enjoyed our friendship, our banter. That’s what makes it so hard to question whether it’s love or just comfort. Is this what it’s supposed to feel like? This relationship is different from any I’ve had before. I haven’t fallen so deep. I’ve enjoyed the friendship foundation the most.

After being in a relationship for around four-ish months now, meeting my family seems like the logical next step. But the problem is that this step feels too big, too final. Too serious.

Why did I say yes? Well, if I didn’t, then it would look like something’s wrong. And that would mean I’d have to talk about it. I’m not ready to address what I’m feeling because I’m still figuring it out. Because if this doesn’t work out between us—that means I’ll be back to square one. I don’t want to mess around, getting into different relationships all the time. Every other relationship went wrong, and my heart got broken. I’ll have to open my heart again to someone who could smash it to a million pieces.

I don’t know how many times I cankeep doing that.

I just want to be married. I don’t care that other people say I’m too young. I want to live life with my person—someone who will be by my side through life’s ups and downs. Is that Joel? I don’t know. Especially when I’ve been having a spark for someone else.

So… Bournemouth here we come, I guess.

As we’re walking around, he talks a little of his trip.

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