Page 30 of London, Love, & A Little Something Irish

But the bigger question is: Where do I go from here? What do I do with this information?

For now, I’m just going to keep going with the flow. At least through the rest of today. And I’ll try to figure out what on earth I’m going to do with my life.

I’m not normally the kind of girl who pushes everything under the rug. I like dealing with my emotions. I used to get called melted butter, as a term for being ‘emotionally sensitive’. I felt my feelings and I felt them hard. But melted butter is the best kind of butter. Who wants hard butter? Feeling all the feelings has never been a problem for me.

So my problem right now? I’m being an absolute coward.

I haven’t had too many opportunities to resolve conflict outside of my family, and my parents always come from a place of love. The real world doesn’t always do that. And even though my dad’s protective nature came from love, it didn’t exactly prepare me for stepping into uncomfortable situations. So now, uncomfortable situations terrify me.

But I know this: Comfort can be a prison. You can make your prison cell as cushy and as beautiful as you want. Decorate it perfectly. Make it feel safe. But a prison cell is still a prison cell.And I know I can’t stay locked in my comfort zone forever. I just haven’t had to do it too often and dipping my toe in that water absolutely terrifies me. I understand I’m going to have to change that and that’s going to have to start real soon.

I may not be as brave as I want to be yet. I may not be ready just yet. But I’ll work up the courage. And God will help me when I don’t have it. I’m so thankful that God is ever patient with our little messes in life.

12

Nathan

I’ve been taking my time with Nataly. We’ve just been developing a friendship throughout this time, but even in the little moments, there’s been something different about her. It’s those moments—the easy laughter, the way she listens, the way she lights up when she talks about her passions—that have made me want to take my time and really get to know her. I think back on a conversation we had.

“I think God maybe—justmaybe—created the color pink just for me. And maybe Elle Woods,” she laughed.

“Who’s Elle Woods?” I scrunched my brows.

“WHO’S ELLE WOODS?!” She whisper-shouted. “Only the most iconic woman in cinematic history. Legally Blonde?”

“Oh, yeah,” I laughed. “I know her now. Pink is definitely your color.” I grinned at her.

“Only the best color on the planet. I’m instantly happier when I see it,” she grinned back.

She’s not just fun to talk to—she’s someone I genuinely lookforward to hearing from. I’ve been really busy with work and I’ve barely seen her around church. Granted, our church is so big and I go to a different service than she does, so our timings and paths haven’t aligned very much. But any chance I get to see her or I think about her, I immediately text her. I like her. All of our conversations have been fun and easy. She’s just so easy-going.

Tonight I’m actually going to the service she goes to, and I’m wondering if I’ll run into her. I’ll be with my friend Eddie, and maybe we can all hang out as I’m sure she’s probably at church with Joy. Eddie’s from South Africa, and he’s got this very outgoing, larger-than-life personality. It’s why we get along so well. My friends are all really outgoing. I love their energy.

I’m not shy, I just don’t have as much to say as frequently. I’m more reserved, and I choose my words. While I’m very proud of Northern Ireland, I also know its flaws. The culture can be a little more defensive. It led me to speak mainly when I felt like I had something to share, or where it was a safe space to share any thought. But I draw energy from people who are full of life.

That’s another reason why I like Nataly. She is so outgoing. There are lots of things that attract me to her. Even though we’re still getting to know each other, I can already tell—she’s kind, thoughtful, and genuinely cares about people. I’m also really impressed by her Youtube channel. The confidence she has as she sings in them, her voice, and her skill in making those videos are all impressive.

I watched them and I was mesmerized. Her voice is so unique, it’s deeper than you would expect when you first meet her. Her natural voice is so bright, so upbeat, that when she sings, you don’t anticipate it. I meant it when I first saw the video of her singing at church. I wasn’t expecting her. She blew me away. I was so impressed with all of her singing and videos, I showed them to my connect group.

And the more I talk to Nataly, the more I want to make sure she knows from all my subtle hints that I like her. I haven’t outright told her yet, that I’d like to spend a little more time withher. She hasn’t mentioned the guy from church again, and I don’t want to make assumptions. Maybe they’re just friends. Still, I’ve been careful. The last thing I want is to step on someone else’s toes. But I feel like the hints I’ve been dropping show how I’m starting to feel about her.

As I step out the door and grab my keys, I pull out my phone. I could wait to see if she’s around church tonight, but I may as well just text.

Me: Hey are you going to this service?

She immediately responds back.

Nataly: Hey! :) Yes I am, I’ll be there with Joy tonight.

Me: Awesome. Want to hang out with me and my friend after the service?

Nataly: We’re actually heading to Tinseltown because I’ve been wanting to try these waffles for a while now, and I hear they’re amazing. I can never resist a good dessert. You guys should totally join us (unless you’re afraid I’ll out-eat you when it comes to waffles).

Me: So you have a sweet tooth? You didn’t get enough of my sweetness?

Nataly: Dessert is my favorite meal of the day. I confess, I have to always look at the dessert menu before I look at the mains. How else am I supposed to know whether I should leave space for dessert or not?

Me: I like the way you think. I’ll text you after the service.

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