Page 39 of London, Love, & A Little Something Irish

“Hey! Let’s shoot?” She says as she gets ready to go.

“Let’s do it,” I say, as I make my way out of the door.

Apparently my thoughts are plastered all over my face because Joy looks over at me and immediately acknowledges it.

“What’s up girl? Are you okay?” Her brows furrow in concern.

I really am absolutely transparent. I know I wear my heart on my sleeve, and apparently I wear my expressions ready for everyone to see.

It’s about a 10 minute walk to Covent Garden, so it gives us a bit of time to talk before heading in. As we cross over to the other side of the street, I fill her in on my woes.

“To be honest, I’d love to have someone to talk through this with. You know Nathan?” I glance over at her to receive confirmation.

“Girl,finally. I’ve been waiting for you to address this!” She says as she eyes me.

“Well, he’s just told me he found out about Joel, and he was so upfront. He told me he liked me and that he can’t be talking with me and pursuing me if I’m still with Joel. Which, of course, makes sense. The ground should’ve swallowed me whole at that very moment.” I say as I shudder.

“With Joel, we’ve coasted through this relationship. He’s the first Christian guy I’ve dated. He’s a nice guy,” I continue, my voice faltering a bit. “And I never wanted to be the person who broke up with someone for no ‘real’ reason. I kept thinking maybe it would get better, maybe I’d wake up one day and just feel more… but I don’t. I never have. And now I feel like the villain. But I’m developing feelings for Nathan, and I feel like that’s totally unfair to Joel. I’m not that girl, and now I’m so annoyed with myself for letting this carry on so long,” I blow out my breath after basically word-vomiting all of that.

“I noticed immediately when I met Nathan that he made your heart come alive. Joel doesn’t do that. I think it’s pretty simple.” She shrugs, a little indifferent, as if the truth was obvious.

“I also still don’t get why you let that whole California trip slide,” she continues. “The places he went? The people he was with? Girl, you deserve better. Someone who loves you so much they wouldn’t even want to go to a place like that, even if it is because the ‘other guys’ are going. I know you don’t like to hurt people. I know you hate confrontation. But avoiding it? That’s only going to make your life harder,” she adds.

We’re already drawing near to Covent Garden at this stage.

“I know, you’re right. My inner debate team has definitely been telling me I’m a total coward for a while now,” I sigh.

“You’re not a coward.” She pauses. “Okay, maybe alittlebit of a coward,” she says, and we both laugh as I facepalm. “But you’re human. You haven’t had many opportunities to make decisions like this. And now you’ve got two guys into you, and you have to choose? Girl, sign me up—I want two guys to choose between,” she laughs.

I laugh with her. I’m grateful for her encouragement. It makes me feel like I’m not a total failure. It bolsters my confidence a bit that Icando this.

We’re walking up to the door of our hang out spot in Covent Garden, and as I start fishing through my bag to look for my wallet, Nathan walks out of the door with his friend Jerome.

My heart decides it also wants to run a marathon today (have we not had enough of those?!) at this very moment. But I actuallyneed my wallet to be able to go in. I’m fishing around my bag, pretending it’s Mary Poppins’ bag and itwillgive me what I want. Even when I can clearly see my wallet is nowhere to be found. I blow out a breath as Nathan comes up to me.

“Hey,” he says, with his hand in his pocket.

“Hey, yourself,” I reply, as I fidget with my bag. I probably should let the bag go by now but what am I supposed to do with my hands now that Nathan is here?!

His brows furrow as he looks at me. “What’s wrong?”

“I can’t seem to find my wallet. I think I must’ve left it at the Dominion. But what if someone took it? Oh no. I have to go back and search for it,” I say as my mind starts to run a million miles an hour. If only my mind could translate that good exercise ethic into my reality, I’d beridiculouslytoned.

How do I do these things to myself? My mom always says I’d lose my head if it wasn’t screwed on. It’s probably true. And Nathan is always around to witness it. Great. This really looks great on my resume of reasons he should continue to pursue me. I don’t even know if he’s going to want to now that he knows I’ve got a boyfriend—even if I am splitting up with him. Maybe he’ll decide that I’m not worth the fight.

I groan outwardly at both scenarios.

“Why don’t I come with you?” He says, gaze intent on me. It’s starting to get really dark now.

I take a look at Joy.

She waves me off. “Go, I’ve got some friends inside, I can catch up with you later. I hope you find it. May this not be like the camera fiasco,” she rolls her eyes. Yup, I deserve that eye roll.

It’s dark, and honestly, I don’t trust myself to function properly when my brain is still spiraling over this entire mess. And he’s offering. It’s just a walk.

“That would be great. I’d appreciate the company,” I say as I look to Nathan. I’m sure he can see my inner turmoil. But I’m glad he wants to join me.

We start our walk back to the Dominion.

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