Page 70 of London, Love, & A Little Something Irish

“I think you should go,” Nathan said.

“You think so?”

“I think he needs closure. Maybe clear the air, too.”

“I guess you’re right,” I sighed.

I’m here now, in Stratford. I arrived a little early, and I’m brought back to the time when I had seen the proposal text.

I immediately had a thought pass through my mind. A flash. A vision. A not-so-sweet daydream.

Joel, on one knee. In some public square—maybe with string lights, maybe with a live band. Something loud andelaborate, the kind of gesture that screams,Look how much I love you.

And me? Frozen. Like I was watching myself in a video online.

You know the one. Where the girl panics, eyes darting, and gently pulls the guy off his knee with a whisper so small it gets drowned out by the crowd. She says no. And it’sawkward.

That was me. Not in real life. But in this daydream that felt too real.

I couldn’t even picture the ring. Couldn’t see a future. Couldn’t imagine planning a wedding or writing vows or sayingyes.

Just this cold ache of guilt. Of settling. I shook it off at the time.

Now, I’m so glad I didn’t back down in fear and let that scenario come to life. I didn’t want that life. I wanted more. I want to sayyesandmean it.I just hope this conversation makes him realize that I want him to fall in love with someone, especially when I know in my heart that was never me. I was neveritfor him.

Joel walks in, his usual confident grin replaced by something smaller. Softer. He sits across from me.

“Hey, Joel.”

“Hey, Nat. Thanks for meeting with me.”

We exchange some awkward small talk before I get straight to the point.

“What is it you wanted to talk to me about?”

He blows out a breath. He runs his hand through his hair. He looks me straight in the eye. And I register guilt there. Not just a little bit. But like it’s what’s stoking the fire right now.

“I need to talk to you about my trip to California. I’ve been meaning to tell you about this, and I really need to get it off my chest,” he replies.

“What happened?” I ask as I stiffen. I remember feeling like everything was off during his trip. But then, he cameback and all of a sudden he wanted to meet my parents. I had no idea what happened on his trip, and when I asked him about it he didn’t tell me much.

He leans back into his seat and takes a sip of his coffee, like he’s mentally preparing himself for whatever bombshell he’s going to drop in my lap.

He exhales, rubbing the back of his neck. “There was a girl.”

Oh, of course. That’s how allgreatconversations start.

I say nothing.

Joel swallows. He looks down at his coffee. “And… I kissed her.”

Silence.

A beat.

I blink.

And then—laughterbubbles out of me. Actual, unstoppable, ridiculous laughter. I probably look unhinged.

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