Page 134 of Come Back to Me

I missed you.

I missed you so fucking much.

You wouldn’t know that though because why would you?

All you know is that I cut ties.

I regret that. Does that help?

My reasons at the time were logical, but I now see that I was the opposite of logical back then.

My logic was skewed, and because of it, I might have lost the best thing to ever happen to me.

Do you know some days, when I was on base, I’d stare at the ceiling and think about you?

I didn’t know what you looked like, didn’t know if you were fucking catfishing me—for all I knew you were Kyle Lewis from the New York Stars—but I’d stare at the ceiling and I’d think about you, nonetheless.

On the dark days, I’m pretty sure you were the only thing that got me out of bed.

You were the only one I could tell about my struggles with being in the Air Force.

You never judged me.

Your black-and-white view of things forced me to get straight to the heart of the matter.

I kept all your letters, but I know them verbatim anyway.

One of your first questions to me was: do I kill people all day?

Maybe not, but it felt that way.

The blood on my soul, my hands... Fuck, Tee.

You give me hope, and I don’t deserve that. Not after what I’ve done. Sure, it was in the fight for peace, but isn’t that an oxymoron? Bloodshed to protect peace?

That’s the bullshit they tell you to get you fighting.

I’m done.

And I know we might be too.

But thank you.

For being you.

For being strange.

For being beautiful.

For being kind.

For being understanding.

For all those things and a thousand more.

I miss you.

Yours forever,

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