Page 2 of Lost Lyrics

Maybe I needed a new hobby. A project. But what? I had no idea.

Planning a proposal had kept me sane...somewhat. But it wasn’t enough.

I’d lost touch with music when Phil had died, and I never wanted to lose it again. I didn’t want to spiral back into the dark depths of depression or hit the bottle...or worse. I needed my band to reform. I needed the guys. They were myfamily. My life. A part of my soul, like music.

We’d originally planned a twelve-month hiatus, but three months had already been added, taking us to the end of the year. I prayed no more time off was required.

Five months down. Ten to go.

The countdown was on.

I took a deep breath to calm my thoughts and closed my eyes. Didn’t help much, but it was something.

Today, my friends and I would all be together for the first time in six and a half weeks, since Christmas. But as Sutton pulled into the hilltop parking lot near El Matador Beach and stopped in the space next to Tia’s Mercedes, the reason for our sunset gathering pummeled my chest. Familiar heaviness settled across my shoulders. Everyone was already here, waiting by the steps that led down to the beach.

I clutched the urn between my hands. The cold metal did nothing to chill my racing mind.I can do this. Yes. I can.I had to. But the backs of my eyes stung. My ribs hurt with every breath. Grief sucked. But I was okay. Sutton was there. So were my friends.

Fuck, it was good to see them.

Sutton killed the engine on my Ferrari. We opened the doors and hopped out. The ocean breeze hit my face, but for February, it wasn’t unpleasant. The sun slowly sank in the west. The water glistened beneath its fading rays. Seagulls dipped and darted about. With Phil’s ashes tucked under one arm, I drew my leather jacket closed across my chest. I veered around to the front of the car, joined Sutton, and stepped over to hug everyone hello.

“Good to see you, man.” Slip patted my back. He sucked in a long breath and stared out across the rock formations and beach below us. “I can’t believe I haven’t been here in years.”

“Me either.” I tightened my hold on the urn, reaching, searching, feeling for Phil’s presence.Yeah, he is here.Phil had loved surfing on every beach from Malibu to Zuma to Leo Carrillo. We all had. But none of us guys had hit the waves much...or at all...since he’d died. With time on my hands, I planned to surf with the guys once summer returned.

“Mads, how are you?” I gave her a big sideways cuddle.

“Fabulous.” She hugged me back, then snaked her arm around Slip and rested her head on his shoulder. “Good to be in LA for a few days. It’s so much warmer here than Vancouver.”

After opting to stay in Vancouver for his birthday yesterday, Slip and Maddy had flown in this morning. Slip, the fucker, looked good. Best he had in years. Fuller face. Healthy and fit after recovering from hip surgery and overcoming his addiction to painkillers. He’d been clean and sober for five months. I was so damn proud of him, but I was still worried. He lived so far away on Bowen Island. I hated I couldn’t stop by his house and make sure he wasn’t drinking alcohol, swallowing oxy, or hitting the blow on repeat. None of us wanted to go through that nightmare again.

But he was here for this special day. That meant the world to me.

“Tia? Lewis? How you doing?” I stepped around the circle to give Tia a kiss hello on the cheek, then hugged Lewis.

“Same old. Same old.” Lewis feigned a smile, unable to mask the fatigue in his tone. “No fresh news to report.”

As I stepped back, my chest twinged. They’d been trying for a baby with no success for eight months. The strain and disappointment etched into their faces hurt my heart. They wanted a family so badly. “Hang in there, bud. I’m just glad you could make it.” I gave his arm a gentle squeeze.

“Yeah. Thanks.” Lewis dipped his chin.

I made my way over to Cole. “Hey, man.” I slapped him on the back, then gave Ava a kiss on the cheek hello. “Ava? Always good to see you.”

“You too.” She smiled, but no light touched her eyes. She fell in beside Cole. But as he draped his arm across her shoulders, she tensed. A couple of inches of distance remained between them. She angled away from him and talked to Maddy about Vancouver.

Shit. What is with that?

Since we’d finished the tour, Cole hadn’t slowed down. Instead of wild parties, boozy nights, and industry outings, he ran around, doting on Charlotte, his four-year-old daughter, Ava, and her seven-year-old son, Josh. He’d never faltered at being an awesome father. So whatever was going on in his relationship with Ava, I hoped they worked things out. They were so good for each other.

“Hey? Are your folks coming today?” Cole glanced toward the parking lot’s entrance.

“No.” I shook my head. “They said this would be too much for them, but they gave us their blessing.” Things had gotten better with my parents. At least they talked to me now after the accident. And they adored Sutton. But the loss of Phil still plagued them. “Phil would understand.”

No, he fucking wouldn’t.He’d be pissed, wanting everyone’s attention.

A pained but light giggle escaped Tia. “He’d bereallyshitty he’s not here and would be missing everyone like crazy. But he’d be happy we’re here celebrating him, and that we’re doing okay.” She sniffled and wiped her cheek. Her big, dark sunglasses didn’t hide the random tear trickling down her face. Her brave smile didn’t hide her heartache. She’d loved Phil as much as Slip, Cole and I had. But she, too, had moved on after losing Phil. We all had.

“Yeah. We are. Come on. Let’s do this.” Taking Sutton’s hand, I led my friends down the long run of wooden steps onto the beach. We headed a short way south along the water’s edge, over to the huge rock formation jutting out of the sand. We stopped before it and stood around a low boulder protruding out of the ground. I closed my eyes to keep a leash on my swinging emotions. The gentle rolling waves hitting the shoreline grounded me and calmed my mind.

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