Page 31 of Lost Lyrics

“She’s fine. But you know that. You saw her last week and told her nothing about Cole. So spill. I won’t let you get awaywith it.”

My phone pinged with yet another message, this time from Cole.

My heart fluttered against my ribs, but the knot in the base of my gut yanked tight. I wished the latter would stop. God, I wished it would.

I swiped open my phone and checked the image he’d sent. A selfie of him in a park, sitting between Charlotte and Josh, lit the screen. The kids hugged his neck. Big chocolate-ice-cream-covered smiles covered their faces. Cole’s goofy grin struck something deep inside me. Warmth spread through my entire body and pooled between my legs. I loved him. And the kids.

But a dull ache throbbed in my head.

Shit.

“Ava?” Concern drifted through Beckett’s voice.

I couldn’t take my eyes off the photo, unable to comprehend the mix of emotions swirling through me.

“Ava?” Beckett kicked my foot. “What’s up?”

“This?” I spun my phone around to show him. “See what I have to put up with?”

“Um . . . messy kids on a sugar high . . . or Cole?”

“The kids are great...” My shoulders sagged. “So is Cole.”

“So, what’s the problem?” Confusion rippled his brow. “Is there one?”

“Yeah. Me.” I pushed my half-eaten burger away and slumped back in my chair. “He keeps asking me to move in with him.”

“Why don’t you?” Beckett finished his burger, picked up the remains of mine, and demolished it.

I closed my eyes and took a breath. “Becks? I’m so fucking afraid.” I placed my hand on my stomach to ease the nausea. “Scared it will all turn to shit, like my first marriage.”

“Ava.” He wiped his fingers clean on a napkin. He reached across the table and clutched my hand. “Sweetheart,Cole’s not Luther. But don’t be pressured into doing something you’re not ready for. You take all the time you need. You’ll know when you’re ready. When it feels right. If he loves you, he’ll wait.”

“He is. We love each other. That’s not the problem.” I clung onto Beckett’s hand, trying to make sense of the doubts spinning around in my head. “I wake up next to him most days and feel like I’m in a dream. I’m afraid one morning, I’ll open my eyes, and it will all be over. That he’ll turn into an asshole like Luther.” I’d never forgive Luther for treating me like I was worthless, for taking custody of my son when I struggled after losing my mom, for being cruel and vindictive. I’d fought Luther for so long, I’d forgotten what it was like to be loved, respected and treated well. Then I’d met Cole. He was nothing like Luther. I had Josh back, thanks to him. After years of court battles and time apart, I’d wanted to spend every moment with my son. Cole had interrupted that plan...No...he’d changed it. He stole more and more of my time. More and more of my heart. He’d embedded himself deeper and deeper into my life.

I hadn’t felt like this about anyone for so long, if ever. It was hard to comprehend. Somehow, I had to kill the lingering doubts and fears from my mind. But how?

“Oh, Cole’s an asshole.” Beckett ate another fry. “He’s talented. Funny. Underneath all those good looks, and fancy clothes, and laid-back charm, he’s a great guy. He adores you and loves his daughter and Josh. He owns a huge house, has awesome friends, and isn’t short of a few dollars. He’s a total fucking asshole, right?”

Giggling, I pegged a fry at Beckett, hitting him on the chest. “Don’t you be sarcastic with me.”

“Ava?” He picked up his coffee and glared at me over the rim of the cup. “What have you fought so fucking hard for every day since we met? Even before that...since your divorce?”

“To have full custody of my son. To be a family.”

“Bingo.” Beckett flicked an eyebrow upward, took a sip of coffee, then placed his cup on the saucer. “Thanks to Cole, you’ve got that. Cole and those friends of his are the tightest fucking family I’ve ever known. That is what you’ve always wanted. You deserve that. Don’t be afraid to take a chance on something amazing when it’s right in front of you.”

“Becks, I just can’t seem to take that step to move in together. Something is holding me back. Maybe Luther is still messing with my head. He knocked me up, and we got married, thinking it was the right thing to do. He promised to love me forever, and sold me a dream, and look how that turned out?”

“Yeah. Luther was a fuck fest. But Cole isn’t.”

“I don’t want to screw this up with Cole.”

Beckett’s eyes darkened with understanding. He nodded and rubbed my hand again. “You won’t. Trust me. You’ll know when the time is right. One day you’ll wake up and go, ‘Fuck, I can’t live another day without this person. I can’t breathe or stop thinking about them.’ You’ll want to spend every second with them and want to build a life together. You’d sooner risk being hurt again rather than lose them. You’d take a fucking bullet for them.” He softened his tone. “It’s okay to be cautious. Careful. But don’t be afraid to live or love someone with everything you have to give.” He stabbed a finger at me. “You need to own this, bitch. Cole fucking Tanner loves you.”

The back of my eyes stung as I nodded. “I know. It’s crazy. And good. But this isn’t just about me. It’s about Josh too. I need to be one thousand percent sure that this is right for him. He’s been through enough heartache with Luther. Josh needs someone to love him, give him a safe home, and be a person who he can look up to.”

“Isn’t that what Cole does?”

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