Page 35 of Lost Lyrics

So many mixed emotions hurtled through me. I was upset I hadn’t been here. Shocked my mother had thought of someone other than herself. Blown away that she loved me so much she’d let me go.

Fuck!

“Yeah. I know she did.” I sniffled. “It’s just hard to comprehend. She seemed so good two weeks ago.”

“It was her decision to hide her deterioration.” Bridget clutched Mom’s hand against the bed. “You know your mother. She was stubborn and set in her ways.”

“Oh, that’s for sure.” I couldn’t argue with that.

“Why don’t I grab you ladies some coffee?” Slip smoothed his hand over my hair. “Sound good?”

“Actually,” Bridget sighed, “I’d love to go home and get a few hours’ sleep, then come back tonight. Maybe we can take it in shifts, just so someone is here when she wakes...or doesn’t.” Her chin trembled, but her voice never faltered. “We can call each other if things get...to that point...when they’ll up the morphine.”

Nausea flooded my stomach. The end was too close. Too real.Shit.“Okay.” I nodded. “I’ll keep you posted.”

After Bridget left, Slip and I had an early dinner at the hospital café, then returned to Mom’s room. We sat beside her bed, sipping coffee. But Mom never roused.

Bridget returned at ten in the evening and we swapped shifts.

Nothing changed with mom’s condition overnight.

But I’d barely slept. After crying in Slip’s arms, I’d finally found my peace. This wasn’t a sudden illness. It was just sad the end was finally here.

We returned to the hospital the next day at eight to see the doctor.

After Dr. Raithna checked Mom’s vitals, machines, andreports, she shook her head. “She doesn’t have long. Her blood is poisoned with toxins. Her lungs are barely functioning. Her heart is struggling. If she doesn’t come ’round today, we will up the morphine administration tonight.”

Bridget and I nodded. I wouldn’t be so calm and understanding if it wasn’t for Slip holding me upright.

During visiting hours, Sutton, Flint, and our friends came by and said a quick hello but didn’t stay long to give us time with Mom. She’d drifted in and out of consciousness once late in the morning but had been barely comprehensible. At four o’clock, she had a huge coughing fit that seemed to wake her up.

But there was no light in her eyes. It was as if she were almost gone.

“Mom?” I clutched her hand and held it against my cheek.

“Oh, Madison. I love you. So much.”

“I love you. I don’t want to tire you or talk long. Just know I hope you find peace.” She had so many demons and had never fought them off. “Thank you for being a great mom.”Most of the time.“We had a few hiccups, but that’s okay. Life isn’t perfect or easy. But we always had each other. And now Slip is part of our family too. My life. We’re in a good place. He takes care of me and vice versa. He makes me so happy, Mom.”

“Just know that’s all I’ve wanted...You to be happy...and loved.” She wheezed and winced. Her raspy, rattly breath seemed to slice her chest. “I love you. And Slip. Always be there for each other. But promise me one thing? Live life. Cherish every moment. Love your family and friends. Don’t go down the path I did.”

“I promise.”

“I’m so tired.”

“It’s okay, Mom. You don’t have to fight anymore.”

“Is Bridgethere?”

“No. But she can be within thirty minutes.”

“Please. Call her.”

Twenty-three minutes later, Bridget shot through the door. Slip and I headed out into the corridor to give them a moment alone.

By five-thirty, Mom had slipped into unconsciousness. Her monitors beeped and flashed red.

We called the nurse. She called the doctor.

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