Page 52 of Lost Lyrics

“You’re right.” I nudged my knee against hers. “I’m the fucking shit.”

She smiled over the rim of her drink. “Yes. You are.”

I kept playing, swept up in the reverberations coursing through my fingers. Maddy sat there sipping on her lime-infused mineral water. Her gaze locked onto mine and calmness rained over me. I had music, my beautiful wife...but then my chest twanged again. The need to play with the guys burned hotter.

Fuck!

Maddy smoothed her hand over my leg. Concern hovered low in her tone. “You miss them, don’t you?”

“Who?”Can I play naïve? Nope.

“The guys. Playing. Hanging out.” Maddy got me.

“Yeah . . . it’s been brewing stronger over the past couple weeks.”

Her brow furrowed. She pursed her lips, then nodded. “It’s been a year. Do you think it’s time?”

“For what?” I didn’t want to hear it. Admit it. Say it out loud.Do I?

“To get back together. Start writing new material. Record.”

Nausea pooled in my guts. My leg jiggled. “Just thinking about that makes me nervous.”

“Why?” she whispered.

“Like you, what if it’s not the same?” What if we’ve grown apart? What if we didn’t get along anymore? What if we’d changed too much?...What if I can’t make music without getting fucked up?

“It won’t be the same. It will be better.” Reassurance set in her tone. “You guys are inseparable. You need them like they need you. You need music.”

I closed my eyes, pursed my lips, and nodded. But I had to be honest. “Yes, but it’s not just the guys I’m worried about, or the writing and recording—it’s the life that comes with it. It’s the time and commitment. The energy needed. The promo, touring, being on the road. Performing. The parties. The press. I don’t want to fall off the bandwagon. I don’t want to lose you again.”

Sadness swallowed the light in her eyes. “We didn’t handle being apart, did we?”

“No.”

“But we’re in a much better place.” She drew her shoulders back. Love and certainty returned to her gaze. “You’re stronger than you think. You have me, your sponsor, a great therapist, and people around you who love and care about you. I know you can do this. I trust you won’t falter...but I’m here if you do. The difference now is we’re solid. Have faith in us, in yourself, and focus on what is truly important to you.”

I placed my guitar down on the chaise and took Maddy’s hand in mine. “Mads, that’s easy. I live for you, the guys, and music.” I scrunched my eyes shut and tapped the side of mytemple. “But I can’t switch this off. Tunes are burning inside my brain. I don’t want to leave you or be apart again. It’s too soon to go back.”

“No, it’s not. I think the fact that you can’t switch it off is a sign you’re ready.” She lowered her chin and fidgeted with my fingers. “We said we’d always be honest with each other, right?”

“Yes.”Shit. Be honest.

With Maddy and myself.

Am I ready to go back?

Fuck!

“So, I’m going to throw something on the table.” She entwined our fingers and rested our hands against her thigh. “It’s been niggling inside my head for a couple weeks, and it won’t go away.”

My stomach twisted into twine. “What?”

“I love living on Bowen Island but not here in the city. I love acting, but my show has changed. My castmates, people who I thought were friends, have shown their shallow, true colors. I don’t want to hang out with them anymore. I love being with you no matter where we are.” She lowered her chin and fidgeted with my beaded bracelet. “I miss Sutton and our friends like crazy. She’s getting married and I’m not there for her. So...next time we’re in LA, I’m going to meet with my agent. It’s time I sniff around for a new role.”

My heart jolted against my ribs.Holy shit!“You want to leaveVancouver Heights?” I hadn’t seen that coming.

“Yes. I haven’t been happy since day one back on set. This condo doesn’t feel like a home-away-from-home anymore. My priorities have changed. I’ve changed. My life is with you. You need your band. I need something fresh. So...what do you say? Are you ready? Are you ready to go back to LA?”

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