Page 6 of Lost Lyrics

“I’d really like to see it.” Cole sank back into the sofa and entwined his fingers with Ava’s. The vibe coming off them had been tense all afternoon. They hadn’t been as affectionate as normal. Hadn’t goofed around each other like usual. Maybe Cole was emotional about today’s scattering of Phil’s ashes.I get that.Maybe they’d had a fight.No relationship is perfect.But there was love for each other in their eyes. There were random small smiles. Playful nudges. The gap between them was there, but not as severe as it had seemed earlier. I hoped everything was okay.

“Is everyone else alright if I play it?” I scanned my friends. No one objected.

I hit play, and the TV screen filled with the video.

I’d spent hours sifting through old footage of the guys since we were kids, from the early days playing in my parents’ garage, to Phil in high school, to the two of us at prom, to the guys performing small gigs, to the last time they played together on their second tour. My edits homed in on Phil’s laugh, his antics on stage, his energy, his smile. He lit up playing beside Flint, he loved outdoing Slip jumping around during a show, and he fed off Cole’s electric drumming.

Something about bassists did it for me. First Phil. Now Lewis.Maybe I should get my head checked!

Nah! Never.

As the video progressed into The Flintlocks’ song,Missing You, the frames transitioned from photographs of Phil dressed up for awards shows to stills of the four guys playing on stage. My heart hurt as my personal images of Phil and me together flickered across the screen. At the skate park. At the beach. Drunk at some party. Lying in each other’s bed. His wavy, dark blond hair hung low across his hazy, I’m-stoned, hazel eyes. His cheeky grin and gorgeous lips gave off that I-know-I’m-sexy vibe.

God, I’d loved Phil.

No matter how troubled our past was, he’d always hold a special place in my heart. It had taken me a long time to get over him and move on. But I had. I’d found a new love, a deeper connection with someone who wasn’t afraid to say they were mine. Someone who wanted the world to know we were together, against the odds. Lewis made me happy in every way.

He’d be an amazing father. I couldn’t wait to be a mom.Please...let me be pregnant.

My video rolled into the guys on their second tour with Phil. As the degradation in Phil’s health became more evident, tears stung my eyes. Dark shadows circled his now sunken eyes. His skin tone, sickly. He’d lost weight. But I ended my trip down Memory Lane with shots and footage of the band and me together, smiling. Happy. Best of friends.Family.That was the way I wanted to remember Phil. We were here today because of him.

At the end of the video, Flint came over, kneeled on the floor, and wrapped his arms around me. He rested his chin on my shoulder and sniffled. “Thank you. That was amazing. I miss him, Tee. Every fucking day.”

“Me too. Be honest with me,” I whispered in his ear. “Are you doing okay?”

“Yeah. I am.” He leaned back and rubbed my arms. “Love you.”

“Same.”

As Flint returned to sit beside Sutton, everyone’s eyes glistened with tears. The love and loss and strength we shared filled my chest with warmth. These people were my life.

Cole raised his beer. “In memory of Phil. May he live on in our hearts forever. To Phil.”

Everyone lifted their drinks and chinked them together. “To Phil.”

I sniffled and dabbed my fingertips beneath my wet eyelashes. “Excuse me. I need to use the restroom.”

I dashed down the hallway to the bathroom and closed the door behind me. But as I sat on the toilet, my heart shattered into a zillion pieces.Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.I’d gotten my period.No. No. No. Yet another month had gone by without becoming pregnant. What was wrong with me? Disappointment hurtled through my veins and sank into the depths of my stomach. I’d failed to conceive yet again.

Shit.

I did my business, cleaned up, and rushed upstairs to my bedroom to change my panties. But rather than rejoining my friends when I headed downstairs, I diverted to the kitchen. I needed a moment alone. I made a cup of herbal tea and headed outside for some fresh air. Given it was the middle of February, it was chilly. I didn’t care. But as I closed the door behind me, I didn’t have the patio to myself. Slip sat on the outdoor sofa, staring out across the city lights.

“Hey?” I ambled over to join him. “You okay?” I curled onto the cushion beside him and cradled my cup between my hands, absorbing the warmth. Steam curled into the night air, then disappeared into nothing.

“Yeah.” He patted and rubbed my knee. “I just needed abreather. It’s still hard being around alcohol. I want to get to where it doesn’t bother me. Where I’m not tempted to grab a bottle. Where my throat doesn’t burn for a taste. Where every cell in my body doesn’t crave a hit. I’m not there yet, Tee. Just seeing bottles of beer on the table and smelling the wine on Maddy’s breath before had me wanting to cave. I’m like a bloodthirsty vampire, ready to pounce and have a feeding frenzy.”

“Shit. I’m so sorry. I should’ve been more mindful and not had alcohol tonight.” I never wanted to make him feel uncomfortable. I loved him too much. “I just want everything to be right.” A pathetic sob escaped me.

“Hey? I’m okay. Are you? What’s up?” He hooked his arm around my shoulders and drew me against his side. “Did Phil’s video get to you? It was amazing, by the way.”

“Thank you. The video was fine, but I’m not okay.” I rested my head against his shoulder. “I just got my period. No baby yet.”

“Oh, Tee. I’m sorry.” He kissed my hair. “You and Lewis haven’t slowed down since the tour. You’ve bought a house. Moved in together. You’ve had a busy awards season. You need to stop. Relax. Chill. Then maybe a baby will happen.”

“We’ve been trying for months. It shouldn’t take this long.”

The sliding door opened, and Lewis walked over to join us, blowing on his hands then stuffing them into his hoodie pockets.

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